


Tunnel Vision

by demonofabove



Category: Naruto
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Confusion, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonofabove/pseuds/demonofabove
Summary: Kakashi is asked to look after Iruka, who has amnesia. It would ordinarily be an easy mission; but things are much more complex than he expects…Because apparently, Iruka thinks they're dating.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 93
Kudos: 347
Collections: KakaIru 2019 Mini Bingo!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Amnesia prompt on my bingo card!

Iruka was completely lost. He was following a trail he was positive he'd taken a thousand times before, but he had no idea where he was going. The rest of his surroundings felt very familiar, too, like he'd seen them a million times; but if anyone asked him where he was, he wouldn't be able to answer them - he was just as clueless as a foreigner. Or maybe he was a foreigner that perhaps... visited often? Whatever the case, he was lost, and had no idea where this path was leading him.

As he continued along the winding road, the burning in his lungs spread across his already sore body; and all he wanted to do was stop and rest, but something was telling him to keep going, that he was nearly where he was supposed to be. He didn't know what that meant, but up ahead, he saw some gates, which meant there was a village. That's right… He'd been heading to a village. Was this the one he'd been searching for? His instincts assured him that it was, so he put his faith in the only thing he knew and stumbled to the gates. But why had he needed to go to a village, again?

"Yo, Iruka-san, good to see you made it back!"

"Yeah, how'd your mission go?"

"I…" Iruka said weakly.

Who were these people, and how did they know his name? Where was he? And why had the world suddenly become upside down and inside out, and filled with black haze? A million other questions raced through his mind as the world speckled and darkened around him; and he became dizzy and disoriented, staggering along as he passed the gates…

"Kotetsu, something's wrong."

"Iruka-san, hey, c'mon, man, stay awake."

A man with bandages over his nose leapt over to him and wrapped an arm around his side, keeping him from falling as he walked. Iruka felt like he should know who it was, but he really had no idea. Was this Kotetsu, or that other guy? And why did he think those two were dating each other? Was he dating someone, too? Iruka stopped walking. His mind was clearing up a little, and he felt like he was on the verge of remembering something. What was it? A person? A place? A name? No… It was a feeling. Love. He loved someone; and they were going to be here for him. Yes, that's why he was at this village. He was coming home to his partner. But why had he left in the first place, and who was waiting for him? A sudden panic swept over him as he tried harder to remember their name. How could he not know the name of someone he loved?!

"Kakashi!" he gasped in distress, as he fell to the ground.

It was a foreign name, but it rolled right off his tongue like he had said it so many times before. Kakashi… Yes, that had to be his lover. His name felt so right to say, so comforting, so familiar, so safe. Iruka was growing weaker with every second that passed, and the world was turning black before his very eyes; but he couldn't let the darkness consume him yet - he still had to get to his partner.

"Please…" he begged to the man helping him, "Take me to Kakashi."


	2. Chapter 2

Iruka sat up and looked around, taking in the blue curtains surrounding him, the bedside drawer beside him with a small shrine of flowers and cards, and the window overlooking a bustling village. He figured out that he was in a hospital, but he had absolutely no idea why, or where; and didn't really know what to do with himself. As he was debating whether to get up and go find someone or wait, a woman with blonde hair tied back in pigtails drew the curtain open and walked in.

"Oh, good, you're awake." She said. "How do you feel?"

"Um, I… don't know. Okay, I guess." Iruka said, assessing himself. He was a little bruised in a few places, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

"Good. That means the poison has been neutralised; but I don't think it's out of your system yet."

"Poison? What?" he asked in confusion.

"You were poisoned on your mission, and collapsed at the gates. Kotetsu brought you in."

"Oh…" He remembered that name. "Is that the man who had the bandage over his nose?"

"I would have thought you'd known who he is by now, Iruka!" the woman commented. "You've been working with him in the mission room for years."

"I have?"

The lady frowned, muttering something about the poison doing more damage than she thought, and walked over to the bed to examine him.

"Iruka, do you know who I am?" she asked in concern.

"Sorry, but no, I don't. I get the feeling that I'm supposed to, though…" he answered dejectedly. "Are you someone important?"

"You could say that." she said. "Where do you think you are?"

"I'm… not sure." he said, looking around. "A village, somewhere, I presume." The woman sighed.

"If I told you I am Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village, would that mean anything?"

A surge of pride flooded through Iruka, and he instinctively touched his forehead, feeling a head protector tied around it. His fingers touched cool metal, and he felt the symbol engraved into it; the unmistakable shape of a leaf.

"I'm… from here, aren't I?"

His face fell when he saw Tsunade's expression - it had only become more troubled with his question. Why couldn't he remember anything important? Or even anything at all? He felt like an outsider, lost and all alone. It was like his head was filled with a heavy fog, and he couldn't find his way out. His memories were just out of reach - he could feel them, teasing and taunting him; but why couldn't he get to them? He felt tears of frustration welling up in his eyes, and clenched his fists. He didn't want to be an intruder in his own body.

"You've been away on a mission for the past few days. You were supposed to collect a scroll, but we couldn't find one in your possession. I don't suppose you know what happened to it?"

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "I don't..."

"I guess it can't be helped…" Tsunade sighed. "Since you've got amnesia, I'm going to assign someone I know you're close with to show you around the village and help you get your memories back, while I do some more research on this poison - it's very unusual..."

Someone he was close with… A silhouette formed in his head - it was a person he knew, a man with a mask. But who was it again? It was someone familiar; but Iruka couldn't tell who - he didn't know a lot about anything. He barely knew his name… Wait, a name! There was one on the tip of his tongue - someone he definitely knew; someone he associated with feelings of love. Who did he love again? Suddenly everything clicked into place, and Iruka smiled warmly as his heart fluttered excitedly. He had just remembered the man he loved.

"Please… Can Kakashi do it?"

"Hah? You remember him?"

"Of course I do. He's my partner."


	3. Chapter 3

"Kakashi, I have an… interesting mission for you." Tsunade declared. "Iruka has just returned from a solo mission, and he's currently at the hospital after being poisoned by an enemy."

"That doesn't sound good. Is he okay?"

"Yes, and no. He doesn't have any major wounds, and the poison hasn't caused any long-term damage; but he does have a serious case of amnesia - he doesn't seem to know anybody, where he is, or anything about his life. His memories are there in his subconscious, and I need someone close to him to help him recover them, and readjust to living in the village."

Kakashi couldn't imagine what it would be like to have amnesia and not know anything. Iruka had to be so lost and confused; and maybe even a little afraid, having his entire life, and maybe even his own self temporarily stripped away from him. He knew Iruka was a sentimental person, too; so he could imagine him feeling guilty not knowing someone or something that he was supposed to. Kakashi hoped Tsunade was right, and that his memories would return.

"So, can I count on you to look after him?"

"Of course, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi replied. "But why me? Surely there's someone more suitable to help with his amnesia…"

"Oh, no, no, no. Definitely not!" she burst wickedly.

"Because…?" he prompted suspiciously, suddenly becoming overwhelmed with a strange sense of impending doom.

"Because Iruka asked for you specifically." she smirked. "He thinks you're his boyfriend."

"U-Uh…" He was lost for words.

It wasn't often that Kakashi was left speechless, but that was the last thing he expected to hear; and he was completely and utterly surprised. He'd suspected that Iruka might be gay, or at least had an interest in men, too; but the idea of him having a boyfriend never occurred to him before, let alone the two of them together. There had to be a reason for him to think that they were partners, though. Had he come onto him before? Was there a drunken fling? Or maybe Iruka was dating someone who's similar in some way? Yeah, that had to be it - he didn't think it was anything on his end. Kakashi cleared his throat, choosing his words carefully.

"I, ah, wasn't aware that Iruka was dating anyone. If he has mistaken me for someone else, shouldn't his actual partner be the one to look after him? I wouldn't want to get in the way of their relationship."

"Kakashi, he's single - has been for years, as far as I can tell. There's never been a partner listed in his file; and his emergency contact is one of his friends. But the poor guy is adamant that you two are dating."

"W-We're not, though, so, um, what would make him think that?"

"Well, if he has an interest in you, the poison could be enhancing those feelings; and with no memory to tell him otherwise, I'd say he's made assumptions based on how he feels." Tsunade said.

"Oh." Kakashi said quietly, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

Iruka always greeted him with a hug and then a kiss on the cheek, and did the same when they parted ways; and Kakashi had always thought it was just because he had a more affectionate nature. But if he had been doing it because he was interested... Well, apparently Iruka had liked him for quite some time; and Kakashi felt stupid having never noticed it for what it was before.

"I'm going to find a way to reverse the damage, and organise some investigations into the incident; so you do whatever you need to do to rehabilitate Iruka - and try not to break any hearts in the process."

"R-Right. I'll do my best."

"I also need you to try and find out what happened on his mission. He was supposed to collect a very important scroll, but he didn't have it on him."

"Got it."

"Good." she said. "Now, go pick him up before he goes wandering off to look for you. I don't want to have to send a search party out for him, too."


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi was nearly at the hospital when a thought occurred to him. Should he bring Iruka flowers, or just pick him up?

Ordinarily, he'd just pick him up; but if Iruka thought they were dating, well, wouldn't a partner bring flowers? But then again, Kakashi didn't want to encourage Iruka to believe a false memory. He wasn't against the idea of dating him, and sure he could manage pretending to be his partner - he just had to be more affectionate, and kiss him, right?; but what would happen when Iruka got his memories back and found out the truth? It would break his heart…

But if he truly believed they were dating and he tried to distance himself, wouldn't Iruka be hurt anyway, if he thought his partner was rejecting him? And with no memories of anything else right now, and only one person he trusted, would it really be wise to let him down so soon? Kakashi debated to himself the best way to approach the situation, as he continued along; and when he reached the Yamanaka flower shop just before the turn off to the hospital, he finally made his decision.

"I'll get the flowers…" he mumbled to himself, feeling a light blush tinge his cheeks.

After an especially embarrassing encounter with Ino, who had served him, Kakashi had finally reached the hospital; and was walking along the corridor, making his way to Iruka's room. It hadn't been too difficult to locate; and before he knew it, he had reached the entrance and opened the door. He scanned the area, searching for Iruka's bed, and was instantly distracted by the sound of his name. His eyes flicked over to the direction it came from, and he found Iruka with a wide grin on his face, beckoning him over.

Kakashi was a little confused and hesitant seeing such an amorous smile directed at him from someone whom he, up until now, thought he only had a platonic relationship with; but Iruka's feelings also reached his heart, and he was touched. Kakashi had never seen someone so happy to see him before - this was the face of someone who was truly in love; and he didn't really know how to react to such affection, but he knew he couldn't ignore it.

"Hey." he greeted softly, walking over to the bed tentatively. "I uh, bought you flowers."

"You're such a sweetheart." Iruka blushed, stretching his arms out for a hug. "Come here."

Kakashi placed the flowers on the bedside table, and leaned into Iruka, who pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his head into his chest. He felt a little awkward, and was blushing like crazy, feeling so much intimacy in the hug; but he wasn't even going to attempt to pull away while Iruka was trying to keep him so close.

"I'm so glad you're here." Iruka murmured into Kakashi's uniform.

"I heard what happened. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just… a little disoriented. I can't remember anything. Except for you." Iruka pulled back and kissed Kakashi's cheek. "I could never forget you."

A tender gaze flashed across Iruka's eyes; and Kakashi felt his cheeks grow even hotter. He hadn't dated anyone in years, and felt like he had just walked into the middle of a love story that was deeper than anything he'd ever experienced; and the romance was killing him. But he was supposed to be the main character of this romance, so he couldn't just do nothing after what Iruka had said; so, ignoring his mind's panicked protests, Kakashi pulled his mask down and leaned in, his heart pounding heavily against his chest.

"I hope you never forget this, either." he murmured, pressing his lips against Iruka's.

Kakashi had definitely never kissed Iruka before, but it felt like he had done a thousand times before. His lips felt familiar and inviting, like he was being welcomed home; and the taste of Iruka's affection was making him weak. Kissing had never felt so intimate before; and Kakashi was beginning to wonder what he'd gotten himself into - pretending was going to be harder than he thought. When he pulled away, he gazed into Iruka's lovestruck eyes as he tried to get his mind working again.

"Come on, let's get you home." he finally said.


	5. Chapter 5

"Well, here we are - my place." Kakashi said awkwardly, opening the front door. "I thought you might feel more comfortable staying with me rather than being alone at yours."

"We don't live together?"

"Uh, no. We haven't, uh, discussed that before." He answered, slightly panicked.

"Oh, okay…"

Iruka frowned as he took in his surroundings. Nothing about Kakashi's house felt familiar to him; and the whole atmosphere was kind of… empty and lonely, like no one was ever home or invited around. If it wasn't for the plant in the living room, Iruka would have thought the house had been completely abandoned. The style was very minimalistic, like Kakashi was just using it to survive in, and didn't consider it a home; and Iruka couldn't help but imagine what sort of things he would have at his own place to decorate it with. He didn't know what his house looked like, but he was sure he'd at least have something hanging up and on display.

"Is something wrong?"

"I just feel like I've never been here before."

"Well, you do have amnesia…" Kakashi said.

"No, I mean… With other things and people, I don't remember them, but I feel like I'm supposed to. But here, it's just… completely blank. It's like I'm looking at everything for the first time."

"Oh… Well, maybe that'll change as you get more familiar with the house. I'll show you around, if you like."

He decided not to tell Iruka that he was right and had never been here before, because he got the impression that Iruka thought their relationship was long-term; and if he wasn't expecting that they weren't living together, then he would have definitely been confused, and possibly hurt, that he had never even been invited over before. Kakashi felt guilty not telling the truth, but while Iruka thought they were together and was looking to him for support, he wanted to act convincingly as his partner to make him feel more comfortable while he was recovering.

"You'd better, if you don't want me to get lost." Iruka commented playfully.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow as he looked over at him, curious of his sudden change in mood; and when he saw the amusement dancing across his eyes, Kakashi knew exactly what he needed to do to keep the mood going and make Iruka feel more welcome. He straightened his posture, holding his head high; and bent his arm into an L shape and stuck his elbow out slightly.

"Perhaps you should grab hold, then, so there's no chance of that happening." he winked.

Iruka laughed and shook his head, wrapping one hand around Kakashi's bicep, and resting the other near his elbow. It was a little ridiculous, but it was exactly what he needed to escape the stress of losing his memories; and Kakashi seemed to know that. He had been such a perfect partner so far - so caring, sweet, and understanding of his needs; and was only giving him reasons to love him more. He really couldn't have fallen for a better man.

After the tour of the house, the rest of the day seemed to fly by. Kakashi had offered to make tea; and he and Iruka had spent the afternoon getting lost in conversation. Iruka had been curious about his life and the village; and by the time Kakashi had answered all of his questions, it was time to prepare something for dinner. Iruka had offered to help, but Kakashi wouldn't let him, so he disappeared to have a shower. When he came back out, Kakashi couldn't stop looking at him, and seemed to be blushing beneath his mask.

"W-What?" Iruka asked self-consciously, as he finished slipping his shirt on and fixed up his hair, which had been left out to dry.

"You just look really good." he said shyly.

Kakashi hadn't been acting when he said that. He'd gotten a glimpse of Iruka when he was shirtless, and he was better than really good - he looked sexy. Even as he was now, Kakashi was distracted by him. Iruka had gone through his drawers and found some plain pyjamas that looked similar to his uniform - a long sleeved shirt and long pants that were slightly too big for him; and there was something about seeing Iruka in his clothes that turned him on.

"Is dinner ready yet?" Iruka suddenly asked, snapping Kakashi back to reality.

"Oh, yeah, it is. Let's eat."

It wasn't much of a feast - just a simple traditional meal of rice, miso soup, fish, and vegetables; but Iruka seemed to really enjoy it, and volunteered to wash up afterwards. Kakashi felt guilty letting him do it, but he had insisted since he hadn't cooked. When all the cleaning was done, they decided to watch a movie together; and Iruka had curled up beside him on the lounge, relaxing into him as he got into the show. And while it was playing, Kakashi spaced out and reflected on his day.

He had been shocked when Tsunade told him Iruka thought they were dating, and even more surprised when she explained the reason was because he already had feelings for him; and all day he had been nervous and hesitant about his decisions, wondering if he should have told Iruka the truth. There were times he wanted to, but he kept seeing that smile - the one he saw at the hospital; and that always stopped him from saying something. There was a beauty in Iruka's expression Kakashi had never seen before - a depiction of true love and happiness, of someone completely fulfilled; and he didn't want to take that away from him. Iruka deserved to feel that happiness.

Kakashi looked next to him and saw that exhaustion had crept up on Iruka and he had fallen asleep; and a warmth stirred in his heart. Everything Iruka had projected onto him all day - all that love, the smiles, the affection, had made him feel weird in the chest, like even subconsciously he didn't know how to deal with it; but he felt like he was slowly coming to terms with it. And this time, he was feeling strangely relaxed and content, like all of this was normal for him.

Like Iruka was meant to be with him all along.


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up with someone by his side. Well, more like on top of and tangled into him. It was a mystery how they'd gotten that way, because they had been spooning when they went to bed; and Kakashi hadn't been aware of any movement throughout the night. Actually, he hadn't been aware of anything. It was the best night's sleep he'd had in ages, like having Iruka by his side made him feel like he could let his guard down and completely relax. Kakashi blushed, slightly embarrassed at how easily his defences had dropped; and looked at Iruka, who's head was resting on his chest, rising and falling with his breaths. How could one man have such power over him? And why was the only thing he wanted to do was kiss him?

Iruka stirred, suddenly on the verge of waking up; and Kakashi watched as he opened his eyes and slowly became more alert. There was an innocence to his movements that Kakashi found cute; and when Iruka lifted his head and turned to him with a warm smile, his heart fluttered wildly.

"Morning, 'kashi." Iruka mumbled sleepily, leaning over to kiss him.

Kakashi was taken by surprise feeling Iruka's lips across his bare skin - he had forgotten that he wasn't wearing a mask; and it made him more sensitive to the touch, sending sparks flittering across his body. His arms tightened around Iruka as he kissed back, parting his lips to taste more of him; and when he slowly pulled back, he was met with an endearing smile that made him blush.

"God, you're adorable." Iruka said, kissing him again.

Once they were out of bed, Kakashi went straight to the jug, a little dazed, and started preparing a cup of tea for Iruka, and coffee for himself. He usually went for tea, too, but sometimes coffee just went down better in the morning; and it was one of those days. By the time it was ready, Iruka had gotten dressed, wearing Kakashi's clothes again since his own still needed to be washed; and he looked more awake and ready for the day.

"What's on the agenda for today?" he asked, taking a sip of tea.

"I'm taking you on a date around the village." Kakashi said more confidently than he felt. "And hopefully in the process, seeing places you've been to before will help with your memories."

"That sounds like a lovely idea - I've been wanting to check out the village since you picked me up from the hospital."

"Well, let's not waste too much time here - there's plenty to see."

It wasn't much longer after their conversation that they were ready for the day and were out the door; and a few hours and a lot of walking later, Iruka found that he was really enjoying the date.

Rather than follow the main road, Kakashi had taken him through a lot of side streets, claiming that it was more interesting; and he kept excitedly pointing out his favourite places along the way, as well as some he thought he would like, and would be useful when he went back to teaching at the academy. Overall, it had been a fun morning; and now he was getting curious, because Kakashi had suddenly announced he was taking him for lunch, but wouldn't say where, just that he would like it.

They wandered along a line-up of market stalls; and as they neared the end of the street, Iruka smelled something absolutely delicious. He couldn't quite pick what it was in amongst the other scents around, but in a way, it smelled like home; and he really hoped Kakashi was taking them wherever it was.

As they neared the corner, Iruka figured out where the aroma was coming from - a place called Ichiraku; and looking at the stall front, he felt like he knew something, like he had a memory at the tip of his tongue. Kakashi smiled at him, pleased that he had become more alert and interested in his surroundings, and guided him to the stall. When they arrived, he gestured for him to take a seat, and then he joined him on his right.

"Yo." Kakashi greeted to the seemingly empty stall.

"Well, if it isn't Iruka-san and Kakashi-san; two of my most loyal customers! It's good to see you again!" An aging man grinned, coming out from the back, carrying a stack of bowls. "What brings you down this end of town?"

"Not much good, I'm afraid. Iruka has a serious case of amnesia, so I'm taking him on a date around the village to see if he can remember anything."

"What? How did you get amnesia, Iruka-san?"

"From a mission, apparently. Someone poisoned me, but I don't remember the details." Iruka answered. "I don't remember this place, either; but it feels familiar, like I've been here a lot."

"Ah, just you wait - one bowl of Ichiraku ramen, and your memories will return!" The man smiled kindly. "Would you like your usual, or is there something specific on the menu that you would like to try?"

"What's my usual?" Iruka asked.

"Miso ramen topped with pork, vegetables, and a boiled egg."

"That's actually what I was looking at…"

"Old habits die hard." Kakashi chuckled. "I'll have the same, thank you, Teuchi-san."

"Shall I add some extra naruto, today, too?"

"Naruto?" Iruka asked thoughtfully. "I could swear I know someone by that name…"

"See? You're remembering already!" Teuchi encouraged. "I'm going to add the naruto for good luck."

"Thank you."

The meal was as delicious as it smelled. Iruka was really enjoying the flavours in the ramen bowl, and found the experience very nostalgic. He felt like he was getting a glimpse into the memories he'd had at this very place, and could tell that the time he spent here was with someone he loved in a different way to Kakashi; like the fog in his head had thinned enough for him to see shapes, and he was feeling his way around the story the shape was telling. He could feel that if he just tried a little harder, felt around the story just a little bit more, took himself on a slightly longer nostalgic journey, he would remember something else. Perhaps something about the person he was so fond of… Of someone who surely liked ramen, considering how often it felt like they visited the place...

"Naruto!" Iruka gasped excitedly. "I just remembered that I come here with Naruto!"

"I'm happy for you, Iruka-san." Teuchi smiled pleasantly.

Kakashi wrapped an arm around Iruka's waist, blushing and grinning beneath his mask. The way Iruka's eyes lit up like they held the very world inside of them made his heart skip a beat; and Kakashi felt like he could gaze at him for hours. He loved seeing Iruka so happy; and having him so close created a warmth in his chest, like Iruka's feelings were affecting him, too. And god, if he wasn't so embarrassed about public displays of affection, he would have kissed him then and there. It was like he wasn't doing things to pretend anymore; but was acting out of desire.

After the excitement at Ichiraku, Iruka couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day - he was ecstatic. His memory was coming back bit by bit; and it made him feel more hopeful about the rest returning, like the fog that was clouding his mind would definitely clear. It was strange because this time, everything he knew about Naruto came back to him, from his background, personality, and likes and dislikes; but despite remembering Kakashi first, he still didn't know too much about him, and nothing about their relationship beforehand. It was frustrating not knowing, but he had faith that he would remember something soon.

"What's on your mind?" Kakashi asked as they neared his house.

"I'm just happy that I'm slowly getting my memory back. And I can't wait for the ones of us to return..."

Iruka stopped walking when they reached the gate, and beckoned Kakashi over, pulling him into a warm embrace. He planted a kiss on his cheek, smiling as he gazed at Kakashi's half-hidden face.

"I'd love to remember how I fell in love with you."


	7. Chapter 7

Iruka was wandering through a foggy forest, completely lost. It was cold, in the middle of night; and the absence of the moon put him on edge. He didn't want to be here - it wasn't safe. Suddenly he heard a branch snap behind him, and he became overwhelmed with fear, and too scared to turn around and see what was behind him. Without hesitation, he took off, running further into the forest, escaping from who knows what; and he saw a wooden cabin up ahead - one of the village safe houses. He ran in, his lungs hot and heart trying to push through his chest; and leaned against the door as he inhaled deeply, trying to catch his breath. He knew he was safe now - whatever was after him wouldn't find him here. It was a creature of the fog; and he was out of it now. Then suddenly he remembered. The scroll. Did he have the scroll?

Iruka felt around his body, searching for it, but he didn't have anything on him; no vest, no weapons, and definitely no scroll. He began to panic - why wasn't he in his proper uniform?!; and fumbled against the wall for the light switch. He flicked it on, but there was no light; and he turned it off then on again, still with the same results. Then suddenly the cabin became dimly lit with a flickering light, and he smelled something burning. He turned around, and came face to face with a grotesque man with mismatched features, darkened, sinister eyes, and a deep scar that marked an X across his face.

"Looking for _this_?" the man asked with a crooked grin, holding up a burning scroll.

Iruka's eyes grew wide with horror; and the man cackled manically, tossing it aside. It landed in a bush, no longer on fire; and Iruka looked at his surroundings in confusion. They weren't in the cabin anymore, but in the forest, now clear of fog. It was somewhere he recognised, somewhere near the village. But what were they doing there? Where did the cabin go?

"You know where we are. All you have to do is _remember._ "

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a strange paper bomb; and a malicious glint flashed across his eyes. Iruka tensed, ready to leap away, and instinctively tried to reach for a weapon; but he was frozen in place. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn't move, like he was bound in a complex trap; but there was nothing around keeping him in place. The man grinned knowingly, and threw the bomb right in front of him; and Iruka winced, expecting to feel the impact of the explosion, but none came. 

Instead, a cloud of purple smoke oozed around him, smothering him with its toxic blanket. He tried to escape, but he still couldn't move as it swirled around, thickening with every second that passed; and the fumes slowly began to suffocate him, like the haze had a long, tendril hand wrapped around his throat. As he struggled to breathe, he saw the man watching in amusement, like the image was imprinted in his mind; and when he looked him in the eye, he mouthed one word.

_Remember._

Iruka woke up in a sweat, suddenly sitting up in bed as he gasped for breath. His heart was pounding wildly, and his thoughts were erratic. Half of him still believed that he was trapped, and the other half was telling him otherwise, that it had just been a dream and that he was okay. But even though it had been a dream, or a nightmare of sorts, he felt like there was something real in it; like the message to remember was about something from the dream.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked in alarm, having been woken by his sudden activity.

Iruka nodded, still unable to talk as he caught his breath. Now, what was it he needed to remember…?

He thought back to all the elements of the story; and the three things that stood out the most was the scroll, the man, and the strange bomb - kind of like the dream was reflecting the mission he had gone on. Iruka froze. The one thing those aspects had in common was that sense of déjà vu; like they were familiar but out of reach, in the same way his missing memories were. Iruka straightened up as he figured out what he needed to remember; and he turned to Kakashi, who was studying him in concern. 

"I need to see Tsunade-sama." he said. "I know something about my mission."


	8. Chapter 8

"Iruka-san, it's good to see you." a woman with dark hair smiled. "What brings you here?"

"I need to see the Hokage." Iruka answered nervously. "Can I do that now, or do I have to make an appointment or something to see her? It's um, about a mission I went on."

"Tsunade-sama is always looking for reasons to get out of doing her paperwork, so now should be fine." the woman sighed. "I'll go and let her know you're here."

"Thank you."

Iruka stood awkwardly by the door while he waited for the woman to return. He didn't remember her, but for some reason he associated her with the word 'pig'. He felt rude thinking about her that way, but there had to be some logical explanation for his association - it certainly didn't seem to be anything to do with her character or eating habits, from what he'd seen.

Before he knew it, she had returned, and held the door open, inviting him in to see Tsunade. He thanked her and went in, hearing the door immediately close behind him; and he hesitantly approached the large desk by the window, stopping in the middle of the room. Tsunade finished filling out a document, and glanced at him as she took a sip of coffee. Then just as she was about to greet him, she looked him up and down, frowning slightly, as though she was confused about something.

"I-Is something wrong?" Iruka asked, blushing self-consciously.

"There's something different about you, but I can't quite put my finger on it…"

"Maybe it's my uniform?" he suggested shyly. "It's a little big since it's one of Kakashi's spares. I've been staying at his place."

"Really?" she asked in surprised interest. "And how is he treating you?"

"He's been so sweet, and is really doing his best to make me comfortable." he smiled as a light blush crept to his cheeks.

"Good, good…" she said with a strangely knowing smirk, like she had planned for and expected this outcome.

"What about your memories?" she asked, taking another sip of coffee. "Have you remembered anything since being with Kakashi?"

"No, I haven't remembered anything at all, except for Naruto when Kakashi and I had ramen for lunch yesterday." he said disappointedly. "I've been trying, but my memories are still out of reach."

"Hmm..." Tsunade pursed her lips. "Shizune said you wanted to see me about your mission. What did you want to discuss? Did you learn something?"

"It's more of a hunch…" he said hesitantly. "I hope I don't sound crazy when I say this, but I had a dream about the mission last night, and I was able to figure out which parts were based on real memories, and which was just my imagination. I know what the man who poisoned me looked like, and that the attack took place around the outskirts of the village, although I'm not sure how far out. I also don't know for sure, but there's a chance that scroll I was supposed to bring back is around there, too." Tsunade stared at him blankly as she processed his story.

"I know it was just a dream, but my instincts are telling me that my information is right."

"What makes you so sure?" she finally asked. "How could you tell your memory from your imagination?"

"Because of a feeling I've been getting since returning to the village. If something is supposed to be familiar, it feels like my memories are on the tip of my tongue, just out of reach; and if I'm seeing something for the first time, it's just... normal, no response. So when I woke up from the dream, I could tell which elements weren't imagined, because I recognised them like they were a part of my missing memories."

"Interesting…" she mused. "How accurate do you think this feeling is?"

"I want to say one hundred percent of the time, but…" he faltered.

"But…?" Tsunade prompted.

"There has to be some flaws… I don't get the sensation when I'm at Kakashi's house. We're together, so obviously I've been over there before; but everything just feels… new, like I'm seeing it for the first time. I wish I knew why…" he said dejectedly.

"Well, there's no use worrying about something you can't control." Tsunade commented thoughtfully. "Since you seem so confident about your information, I'm going to send a team out to conduct an investigation."

"Really? You believe me?" Iruka asked.

"Of course I do - I trust you." she shrugged. "Besides, it's better to have checked and found nothing, than to not take precautions and have everything fall apart."

"Well, please tell the team you send to be careful. The man to look out for has a scar slashed across his entire face, in the shape of an X; and the poison that was used on me is infused in a paper bomb. There could also be more people, but he's the only one I saw in my dream."

"Thank you for the details." Tsunade said.

Iruka was about to respond, when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and glanced over distractedly. Shizune had returned from a room she had been in, and was holding a pig in her arms, wearing a red coat and pearl necklace. His eyes widened in both surprise and realisation as he solved the mystery of why he had associated Shizune with the word pig. It wasn't because he thought of her as one; it was because she often carried one. And now he was embarrassed because of his first assumptions.

"Is there something else you needed?" Tsunade asked.

"N-No, thank you, Tsunade-sama." he answered quickly.

"Then you may go. I'll call you back in after the investigation; but if you need to share anything else beforehand, you don't have to wait until then."

"Thank you for your time." Iruka said politely, bowing before he left.

When he walked out of the building, he found Kakashi leaning against a tree, reading a bright orange novel - a dirty romance, by the looks of it; and as he got closer, he noticed a light tinge of blush peeking through Kakashi's mask. He held an expression Iruka was sure he had seen hundreds of times before, and when he put two and two together, he became certain that Kakashi was up to an erotic scene; and a grin broke out on his face as he beelined straight for him.

"Reading about what you want to do to me tonight?" he teased.

"I-Iruka!" Kakashi exclaimed in surprise, snapping his book shut.

His face was growing redder by the second - Iruka had completely embarrassed him; and he had become flustered, unable to come up with anything else to say. He glanced away shyly as his heart pounded wildly; and Iruka wrapped his arms around his waist, and pulled him close, chuckling to himself. As Kakashi accepted the embrace, he suddenly felt hot breath against his neck, and soft lips gently brushing against his ear, which sent a wave of tingles down his spine.

"Or maybe I could do something to you, instead." Iruka murmured suggestively.

Kakashi's breath caught in his throat as Iruka's hands slid down his back and then slowly onto his ass. He was completely caught off-guard, not expecting Iruka to be so forward, especially in public; and he was panicking, still lost for words. He wanted to let Iruka know he was interested, that the way he was touching him made him feel like fireworks were exploding inside him; but his heavily pounding heart was louder than all of his thoughts, and nothing coherent was coming to mind. He was truly speechless.

Iruka pulled back, instantly taking in the nervousness and blush across Kakashi's face; and his heart fluttered wildly - he couldn't believe how adorable Kakashi looked when he was embarrassed. Then he saw the lust and desire dancing across his expression, like Kakashi's gaze was communicating the words he was having trouble saying; and Iruka felt like he was falling in love with him all over again. He pulled Kakashi's mask down, pressing his lips against his in a long and tender kiss; and when he was satisfied, he broke away, gazing at him affectionately.

"I love you." he smiled amorously.

"I... love you, too." Kakashi replied dreamily, still in a daze.

And with the way his whole body was pulsing out a fuzzy warmth, it felt like he meant it, too.


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi was particularly quiet on the walk home from Tsunade's office. He was slowly breaking out of his dazed state, and was blushing furiously under his mask as he replayed the entire moment with Iruka in his head over and over again. Iruka hadn't just flirted with him; he'd straight up told him exactly what he wanted, and was much more comfortable and confident about it than Kakashi had ever expected him to be. He supposed that came with believing they were already in a steady, loving relationship; and he wondered if the reason Iruka had thought they'd already slept together was assumption, or belief based on sexual fantasies. And if it was sexual fantasies…

A warmth spread through Kakashi's groin as his heart skipped a beat, and he felt his face grow even hotter as he imagined the kind of things Iruka might be into and wanted to do with him. He quickly pinched himself and dismissed those arousing thoughts, not wanting his erection to grow any harder from when Iruka had seduced him; but Kakashi couldn't get him off his mind, and his thoughts trailed to the sudden kiss and everything else, instead. More specifically, when he told Iruka he loved him.

He never imagined he would say the words so easily, or even at all. Love was something he didn't know how to deal with and didn't really have much experience with; so Kakashi had always thought he'd have trouble the first time he wanted to tell someone he loved them, that the idea would be on his mind for a while before he said it, and that the first time he tried to say it, he might not even be able to at all. That was what he had expected, and what he had been prepared for; not for the words slip out so easily. And now he was confused. He had certainly felt something when he said the words, but he wasn't the sort of person to fall in love in three days; so did that mean he'd liked Iruka even longer than that? Had he been completely oblivious to his own feelings this entire time?

"Kakashi…" Iruka said suddenly, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I know this area."

Kakashi stopped by his side and looked around, studying the streets carefully. He hadn't been paying attention to where they were going, and it looked like they had taken a wrong turn somewhere, because they were now on the outskirts of an entirely different neighbourhood to his own; and he didn't recognise a thing.

"Let's go this way." Iruka suggested, taking his hand and leading him down a sidewalk.

They turned down a lively street, and the path led them through a park where a small group of children were pretending to be shinobi, using bark as shuriken, and small sticks for kunai. The kids had split into two teams, and the 'enemy' had taken members of the other team hostage, leaving the leader and one other to rescue the rest. Kakashi watched distractedly as the leader threw a pinecone; and when it landed in the enemy's territory, the enemies stopped moving, allowing the heroes to quickly grab their teammates and run. A couple of seconds later, the enemy started chasing after them again; and Kakashi wondered if the pinecone was supposed to be some sort of bomb. He had become mildly interested in what they were doing and found it hard to take his eyes off them. Although it was only a game, the children clearly worked well as a team; and he imagined them passing the bell test if they stuck with their morals as they grew.

"I wonder if I teach them at the academy…" Iruka commented as they passed the kids. "They look like they're the right age."

"Well, if you do, you've been teaching them right. They've got the Will of Fire that the Sandaime used to talk about."

"The Will of Fire…" Iruka repeated pensively.

The words filled him both with pride and heartache, and he wasn't sure why. He felt like the Will of Fire was important and symbolic in some way; but the title also made his stomach sink and his throat close up; and then there was an emptiness in his heart, like he'd just found out he'd lost someone important to him - was that why it hurt so much? Iruka wiped away the tears that had welled up in his eyes, and swallowed hard as his emotions threatened to leak out of him - the pain had come so suddenly, and he just wanted it to go away.

"Iruka, what's wrong?" Kakashi asked in alarm, stopping suddenly and turning to face him. One minute he had been content and enjoying the walk, and the next, he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"I don't know." he sniffled. "A sad memory… that I don't remember."

Kakashi's heart ached for Iruka; and he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. He didn't want him to hurt, and hated seeing him look so distraught, like he was about to break. Iruka was emotive, and Kakashi had read so many things in his expressions before, from pure joy, to fondness, to frustration; but he had never seen that kind of pain in his eyes before, nor his tears, and he wanted to erase all of it. It reminded him of himself; of what he had seen in the mirror, staring back at him countless times before; and Kakashi wondered what had scarred Iruka so badly he could still be affected without remembering what happened. What kind of horrors had he faced?

"I'm okay." Iruka said softly, gently pulling away.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked, brushing a thumb across his tear-stained cheek.

"Yeah." he smiled, taking the hand and holding it in his. "Let's keep going. I feel like we're close."

A few minutes later, they were out of the park, and the path that they had been following was coming to an end; and had led them to a neighbourhood that seemed to be a mix of upper-class houses and simple apartment blocks. Iruka's pace picked up, as though he was more confident in where he was going; and Kakashi became very curious about their destination. What had Iruka remembered?

As they neared the end of the street, Iruka slowed down, studying the buildings carefully; and when they reached a group of small apartments, he stopped and stared. His heart was beating fast, and excitement welled in his chest, like a snippet of his memory was returning; just enough to see a silhouette through the fog in his mind, just enough to invite him in, and encourage him to go forth. Iruka looked at Kakashi, and then back at the group of apartments.

"This is it." he said.

They entered the gates, and Iruka hesitantly walked over to the block of mailboxes. There were four numbers; and he found himself gravitating towards the second one. He was nervous now. What if his instincts were wrong? What if he had led them nowhere important? Or what if he had, but was checking the wrong mailbox? It was too late to second-guess himself and back out, so he took a deep breath and opened the latch; and pulled the letters out. He flipped them the right way up, and read the name carefully, making sure to go through all of them; and when he was finally done, he turned to Kakashi again and took a deep breath.

"These are mine..." he said. "This is my home."


	10. Chapter 10

Iruka was staring at the small set of keys he'd grabbed from his vest pocket. He'd found them there when he was stuck at the hospital; and without knowing what they opened, they were useless and had just become a dead weight that he'd been carrying around. But now, they were valuable. One of these keys would let him see what he was missing, and give him a glimpse into the life that had been taken from him; and he couldn't help but feel nervous. What kind of life did he live? Would he remember anything? 

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just… not sure what to expect." Iruka said hesitantly.

"You will be fine. I'm right by your side." Kakashi said softly, placing a hand across his back.

Kakashi's assurances settled Iruka's nerves almost instantly; and, taking a deep breath, he fit the first key he had instinctively grabbed into the lock, and twisted. A small _click_ confirmed that he had used the right key; and he exchanged a glance with Kakashi before opening the door and letting them in.

With no lights on and the curtains closed, it was hard to see inside the apartment, so Iruka fumbled at the wall for a switch; and when the main entrance was illuminated, he was met with a splash of colour everywhere he looked; from the hanging indoor plants decorating the room, to the painted scrolls that lined his walls, and ornaments and photos displayed in cabinets all around. The apartment felt warm and inviting, unlike the atmosphere of Kakashi's place; and Iruka ventured forth, curious and eager to explore the rest of his home.

He found the experience quite abstract. Everywhere he looked, there was something that caught his eye, and a ball of excitement would squeeze in his chest, telling him this was something he knew all about, that he had a history with that he was studying; but as he was, without his memories, Iruka felt like he was wandering through an art gallery. He was able to appreciate everything, but only as a stranger; like anyone else who visited.

He ventured through the lounge room, and stepped into the kitchen, where the first thing that caught his eye was the window by the sink. It had a wide sill with herbs growing along, sitting neatly in small pots beneath a thin lace curtain that filtered out the sun; and there was a splash of blue light decorating the wall, lit up by a glass dolphin ornament hanging by the edge of the curtain rail. It looked worn, like he had carried the ornament around for years; and he wondered who had bought it for him - he didn't think it would be something he'd buy himself.

A bright gleam distracted Iruka from his thoughts, and his attention was brought to his fridge, which was decorated with a collage of mementos - cards, drawings, and notes that had been stuck on with magnets. He wandered over take a better look, and discovered that all the cards seemed to be from children, and all the labelled drawings were from Naruto; and he felt a sense of pride as he imagined what his students were like. And Iruka was grateful, not for the first time, that he still had his feelings to remind him about the things that were important to him.

But he had to admit, he was also very puzzled. Ever since he'd started exploring and taking everything in, he'd been slightly on edge, like something wasn't quite right. It was definitely his home, and everything felt very familiar - so much so, that he was expecting his memories to return any minute; but his instincts were screaming that something was missing, and he couldn't make the connection and figure out what was wrong. He should have pressed further - it was what any good shinobi would do; but he dismissed the nagging sensation, deciding he probably felt strange because he was taking in so much all at once; and continued on, opening the curtains and windows as he made his way through the rest of the house. 

Kakashi liked Iruka's place. It was a lot smaller than the clan house he inherited, but it felt more like a home than his ever had. Iruka's apartment was full of life wherever he looked, and it had a familial atmosphere that made him feel welcome and protected, like this was a place he could always come to; and there was something about it that made him want to stay. It had everything his own house was missing, everything that would make it a home; and Kakashi had a strange sense of longing, like being here was giving him something he had been deprived of for so long, something that he needed at his place; and he wondered if Iruka's presence was what he sought.

"Kakashi?" Iruka called out.

"Y-Yes?" he fumbled, hoping he wasn't blushing as much as he thought he was. "I'm in the living room."

Iruka appeared from a hallway and walked over to him, seemingly uncertain and thoughtful, like he was a little worried about something.

"What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking… I want to stay here tonight." he said. "Is that okay with you?"

"Uh, yeah, that's fine. This is your home, after all." Kakashi answered, a little surprised at being involved in the decision.

"Did you, ah… Did you want me here, too?" he asked more hesitantly. Iruka shot him a confused glance.

"I thought that was a given. Why wouldn't I want you here?"

"I don't know." he mumbled, slightly embarrassed. "I just thought I'd ask in case you wanted some privacy to take it all in, or something…"

"Being alone is the last thing I want." Iruka sighed, taking both of Kakashi's hands and gazing into his eyes. "I need you, 'kashi. You're the one thing keeping me sane through all of this; and the only one who can make me feel okay, even though everything is a real mess right now. You give me strength; and I don't know what I'd do without you by my side. I don't want to be apart from you."

An explosion of fireworks surged through Kakashi's body from his chest, sending a glittering warmth across his entire being as Iruka's heartfelt words reached him; and his heart skipped a beat as he became entranced in his earnest expression. Iruka had a way of making him feel special, like his life had meaning outside of serving the Hokage and protecting the village; and Kakashi was realising, with every moment that passed, just how much he had fallen for him. He couldn't part with Iruka, even if he tried.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere." he murmured, tightening his grip on Iruka's hands. "Not when I'm already home."


	11. Chapter 11

Iruka was feeling anxious. It had been a couple of days since he had found his way back home, and he had been spending his time exploring the neighbourhood with Kakashi and finding everything around his apartment; but he had just arrived at the hospital after a surprise visit from two ANBU officers delivering a message about Tsunade wanting to see him, and he didn't know what to expect.

He and Kakashi were greeted by a teenage girl with pink hair whom he recognised and associated with sakura trees; and she happily led them through the mess of people. Then a hallway and a few rooms later, they came to a halt; and the girl knocked on the door of a closed off area and slid it open, inviting them in. Iruka stepped through and saw that she had led them to a private setup, and that Tsunade was there, talking to someone he couldn't quite see. The girl led him and Kakashi along; and as they approached, Tsunade turned around to see who entered.

"Oh good, you're here." She said. "Take a seat on the bed."

Iruka hesitantly hoisted himself onto the edge, settling towards the centre of the bed, and Kakashi joined him on his right, next to the pillow. There were seats around that he could have sat at, but he had sensed Iruka's tension and wanted to be by his side. 

"Thank you, Sakura. You can go back to what you were doing."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" she asked. Kakashi could tell it wasn't out of concern, and that she just wanted to stay to see him and Iruka together; which didn't surprise him in the least.

"I'm positive. I've got everything sorted."

"Okay, then. I'll leave you to it…" she answered, trying to hide her disappointment; and as she disappeared, Tsunade turned her attention back to Iruka and Kakashi.

"Iruka, I have some news regarding the information you shared the other day."

"Oh? Was I able to help in some way?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes. Your hunch was mostly accurate." she said. "We found a group of missing nin associated with the man who attacked you, lurking around the outskirts of the village; and they were brought in to T&I for questioning. They wouldn't speak to begin with; but they all caved in very quickly once Ibiki got involved, as expected; so that's one threat out of the way."

Iruka didn't know who this Ibiki person was, but the unease in his stomach was telling him he was particularly intimidating; and he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to get on his bad side. He hoped he had never done anything to warrant this person's wrath.

"In regards to the tip about the scroll, the team I sent out couldn't find it; so that was a false alarm."

"Oh…" Iruka said a little dejectedly.

"But the good news is, I know how to cure your amnesia now; so you will be able to figure out what happened with that scroll, yourself."

"For real? You can get my memories back?!" Iruka asked, grinning excitedly.

"Yep, that's why I summoned you here." she said. "But it could take a couple of days until your amnesia completely disappears, because you still need to heal once the poison leaves your system."

"What? I've still got poison in my system? Wasn't it taken away while I was at the hospital the first time?"

"No. I was able to neutralise it and stop it from killing you, but I wasn't able to extract it all."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We learnt from the missing nin we caught, that there were two strains of poison in your system; a simple one designed to kill within twenty four hours, which is what I treated you for; and a very complex one that affects and slowly destroys the brain as it takes over. I was never able to find the second strain because it's a type of poison that imitates the cells of the person it's in, and usually takes on the form of chakra; which I obviously didn't want to touch, especially when you were so low."

"I've never heard of a poison that imitates cells before… How did a missing nin get hold of something like that?"

"Orochimaru, probably." Tsunade sighed.

Iruka didn't like that name, either; but in a different way to hearing Ibiki's. Rather than feeling a sense of intimidation, it was more of a fear of the sinister; like where there was Orochimaru, there was always calamity. And he felt that this was a person that he definitely never wanted to cross paths with.

"Anyway, now that I know what I'm supposed to be looking for, all I have to do is draw the poison out with medical chakra."

"How will you be able to tell the difference between my chakra and the poison?" Iruka asked in concern.

"Neji is going to help me." she said simply. "He will be able to tell me where it is."

A teenage boy with dark long hair and pale eyes stepped forward - the person he had seen Tsunade talking to before; and a small ball of fondness squirmed in Iruka's chest.

"Sensei." he nodded to him and then Kakashi.

"Neji-san…" Iruka said thoughtfully, studying him. "Did I teach you at the academy?"

"A few years ago, yes." he nodded.

"Thought so…"

"If you're ready, I'm going to get Neji to find the poison for me." Tsunade said, coming around to the side of the hospital bed.

"Okay." he said. Tsunade glanced at Neji and nodded.

"Byakugan!"

Iruka watched with interest as veins suddenly appeared around Neji's eyes and his expression turned even more serious. He was very focused on what he was doing; and Iruka was beginning to feel self-conscious being studied so thoroughly. Even though barely ten seconds had gone by, time seemed to pass slowly, and Iruka's self-consciousness was transitioning into worry. Was it even possible for Neji to find the poison? How would he be able to tell the difference between chakra and fake chakra?

"The poison has taken on the form of chakra, as you suspected." Neji suddenly said, still studying him with his piercing gaze. "But instead of being in Iruka-sensei's chakra pathway, it is flowing through his bloodstream. It doesn't look like anything else unusual is going on in his system, so I think we've gotten to it in time."

"Hmm…" Tsunade pursed her lips, staring intently at Iruka as though she was looking right through him. "I think the best procedure will be to cut into your arm and draw the poison out through the wound, which I can heal right after. It's going to be quick, and painless. I'm going to numb the area first, so I won't have to put you under; but I would advise you not to watch what I'm doing if you think it will make you squeamish. Is that okay?"

"There isn't a better way to draw it out?" Kakashi interjected. "Nothing less… surgical?"

"No. Because it's poison, and not chakra, it has to come from an opening; and because it's in Iruka's bloodstream, I have to make him bleed." she explained.

"Oh, okay…"

"Don't give me that look - it's really not as bad as it sounds." she scolded lightly. "Anyway, if there are no objections, I'd like to begin - I don't have all day. Are you ready, Iruka?"

"I… guess so." Iruka said hesitantly.

Kakashi grabbed his hand, sensing his apprehension; and ignored Tsunade's smirk and the pink tinge across Neji's face as he gently caressed Iruka's skin with his thumb. For the first time since dating Iruka, Kakashi wasn't embarrassed to be seen holding his hand, or doing anything affectionate publicly. In that moment, he didn't care what anyone else thought - he just wanted to support Iruka, to make him feel safe and secure, like he's not alone; and if holding his hand, or even kissing him was what it took, then that's what he was going to do. Iruka's comfort was more important than anything else.

"I'm gonna need that table, just in case." Tsunade murmured to herself, wheeling a lined stainless steel tray over from the foot of the bed, fitting it over Iruka's legs.

She grabbed his free arm, and slid his uniform sleeve up until his forearm was completely visible, then laid it on the table, palm up; and when she was satisfied with the setup, Tsunade hovered her hands over the area, and began. Her hands had an unfamiliar purple aura illuminating a small orb around her, and the edge of the glow that had reached Iruka's skin was lightly pricking at it, like something small and sharp was poking him. He tensed slightly as the strong pins and needles sensation jabbed at him and started to become more intense; but as the seconds ticked by, all the sensation in his arm began to fade away, and soon he couldn't feel anything at all.

"Wiggle your fingers." Tsunade instructed, stopping her numbing technique. Iruka tried, but no matter how much he forced it to move, his arm wouldn't respond to any of his commands.

"I… can't. My arm is dead."

"Good. Now, don't look if you get sick easily." she commented absently, focusing solely on what she was doing.

A bright blue glow radiated around Tsunade's right hand, and she dragged a finger along Iruka's forearm, from his wrist to about a third of the way up his arm, slicing a thin, inch long line into his skin as she moved. Iruka had a morbid curiosity about what she was doing, and watched as Tsunade pressed two fingers against the incision, where blood had started to pool; finding it strange that he wasn't feeling anything at all.

The blue glow Tsunade had produced transitioned into the familiar green of medical chakra; and she frowned, deeply concentrating as it trickled into Iruka's bloodstream. The tension had thickened in the room as time slowly ticked away; and Iruka was beginning to wonder if she was even doing anything at all - he couldn't detect any differences.

Then Tsunade suddenly began to draw her fingers away, slowly and steadily; and Iruka saw that she had attached her medical chakra to what looked like a string of chakra, and was pulling it out of his blood, completely clean. He watched in horrified fascination as it snaked through the cut like it was a ball of wool being unravelled through his arm; and was even more surprised when it started to sizzle as it came into contact with air and dissolved right before his very eyes - he had never seen anything like it before. But as Tsunade kept pulling more and more out, he suddenly paled and looked away, tightening his grip on Kakashi's hand.

"What's wrong, Iruka?" Kakashi asked in alarm.

"I'm not in pain, but," he winced, closing his eyes tightly, "I can feel it being pulled out of me, like it's one big string sliding right under my skin. I don't know if I can handle this."

"I'm nearly done, Iruka." Tsunade said empathetically. "Just bear with it a little longer."

"I'll… try." he swallowed, trying not to squirm in place.

The sensation became increasingly uncomfortable and sickening, almost painful but not quite; and a light tremor set in Iruka's body as he tried to ignore the ickiness of the procedure. He refused to think about how much had been pulled out of him already and how much he could feel was left to go - it would only make him more nauseated; and he leaned his head into Kakashi, trying to calm himself with his scent as he rode out the rest. He never wanted to experience anything like this again.

Then finally, after what felt like hours of torture, everything stopped, and Iruka started getting feeling back in his arm again. He lifted his head from Kakashi and braved a peek at his arm, and saw that besides a little bit of dried up blood, there was no evidence that he had been cut into at all, nor of the endless stream of poison that had coagulated into a thread; and he relaxed a little. He was still a little queasy, but now that the worst of it was over, he was sure it would go away.

"Wiggle your fingers. You should be able to move your arm now." Tsunade said.

This time when Iruka followed her instructions, he found that she was right, and that he had full movement of his arm again; and when Tsunade wheeled the small table out of the way, he finally released Kakashi's hand, and jumped off the bed, eager to escape the hospital and get some fresh air.

"Well, Iruka, you are now poison-free. Your memory should return within the next couple of days and everything should be back to normal; but if you have any concerns or something doesn't feel right, please come and see me."

"Of course. Thank you, Tsunade-sama!" Iruka grinned.

"You may go."

As they left the building, Iruka couldn't stop smiling. Despite feeling so sick, he was ecstatic - he was finally going to get his memories back; and he couldn't wait to see what he was missing. There was so much he wanted to know, so many people he wanted to remember, and so many moments he wanted to relive; and he couldn't contain his excitement.

Just a couple more days, and he would know everything.


	12. Chapter 12

Kakashi and Iruka were having a quiet night in. After Iruka had the poison extracted from him, it hadn't taken long for the first of his memories to return, some filtering through naturally, and others coming in large bursts; and as he gradually became more quiet and reflective throughout the day, Kakashi suggested they have a movie night. He'd known Iruka had felt rude being so distant, and figured this was a way he could be with his thoughts without feeling so guilty about it; and Iruka had taken up the offer, seemingly oblivious of his intentions, or at least pretending to be.

After a couple of movies, the evening had slipped away; and suddenly, as their last movie ended, they had reached a time where it was too early to go to bed, but too late to start another movie if they wanted to get up at a decent hour; and Kakashi was debating putting another one on. He asked Iruka what he wanted to do, and turned to him when he got no reply; and saw an absent, but worried expression darkened across his face. He reached out and gently touched his shoulder to get his attention; and Iruka jumped, not expecting the contact.

"Are you okay? You look troubled."

"I just… don't feel right; and I'm wondering if I should see Tsunade-sama."

"Why? What's wrong?" Kakashi asked more attentively.

"I'm starting to get some of my memories back - the ones with you. They're recent, I think; but in them, we're just… friends. And I'm really confused, because my heart is telling me that's wrong. I mean, I'm in love with you; and you've made it clear you love me, too."

"Oh." Kakashi's heart sunk. "Perhaps what you're remembering isn't as recent as you thought?" he suggested evasively - he wasn't ready to have _that_ conversation yet, and admittedly, too scared to.

"I don't know. I'm so confused…" Iruka said, crestfallen. "I never asked you about our relationship because I wanted to remember it for myself; but now I'm worried that the poison has done something to mess everything up..."

"We can see Tsunade-sama if you're that concerned, but I think it could be worth waiting until tomorrow - we only saw her this morning, so maybe you just need time." Kakashi reasoned.

"You might be right... 'kay, I'll wait." Iruka wrapped his arms around his knees and stared absently at the ground as tears welled up in his eyes. "It's just not fair that I can't even remember you right. I love you so much, 'kashi, and my memories of you are important to me."

"Hey, I love you, too, 'Ru." Kakashi said soothingly, gently tilting his head towards him and kissing his forehead. "Regardless of how you remember me, that's never going to change. I promise."

Kakashi wiped away Iruka's tears and brushed away the stray hair that had fallen over his face, resting his hand on his cheek; and when Iruka gazed into his eyes, Kakashi was transfixed to his expression. There was so much emotion in his eyes - one of the things he had always noticed when he saw Iruka; and usually he knew how he was feeling, but this time there was something unreadable, something he couldn't figure out. But as he stared, he did catch the way Iruka's eyes kept bouncing from his lips to his eyes hungrily... how an intimate tension had built up between them... how his heart was beating wildly but his breathing had stopped; and how Iruka had made time stand still. Kakashi was drawn to him in so many ways; and he couldn't resist planting a deep, tender kiss on his lips. 

Iruka was quick to respond, pushing his parted lips against his; and he sensually sucked at Kakashi's lip as he slowly drew away and softened the kiss; and Kakashi chased after him, slipping his tongue in when their lips met again, as he became more heated and feverish. Iruka's hands automatically went to Kakashi's body, gripping his sides as they made out; and he guided Kakashi closer, sliding his hands down to his hips as he settled himself against the corner of the lounge, between the arm and back rests. Kakashi crawled across until he was in Iruka's lap, sitting with his legs spread along the outside of Iruka's; and within seconds, Iruka had pulled his shirt off, taking his head protector with it, and Kakashi did the same to him. Then when their shirts were out of the way, Kakashi hung his hands around Iruka's neck; and his kisses started to trail in his desire to taste more of him.

Iruka's hands slid from Kakashi's hips to his ass as butterflies quivered across his body, and he dug his finger pads into him when he found the perfect curve to grip and massage. Kakashi exhaled heavily as a pleasant shiver ran up his spine; and he sucked hard at Iruka's neck, losing himself to the touch. He was usually expected to be a top, so his ass didn't get much attention; but the way Iruka was treating it, it was a setup for bottoming; and he was really turned on.

Kakashi worked his way down Iruka's chest, teasing him as he kissed and sucked at his skin; and as he slowly got lower, his hands followed him down, gripping at Iruka's hips and then thighs as he crept back. Iruka gasped in pleasure; and his hands slid up from Kakashi's ass, dragging along his back as he tried to grasp onto him in the heat of the moment. Then suddenly Kakashi was unclasping Iruka's pants and sliding them away, leaving him in only his briefs; and when he laid eyes on his outlined erection, his cheeks grew hot. Iruka was big.

Kakashi spread Iruka's legs apart, sliding a hand along his thigh as he fit in between him, and slipped his fingers beneath the material hiding his erection, caressing it as he brought his mouth up to the top of Iruka's abdomen, making him squirm as he continued the trail down his body. Then finally, when Kakashi finished with his teasing, he hooked his thumbs through Iruka's briefs and pulled them away, down past his knees, where they were kicked the rest of the way off. And now that Iruka was naked, Kakashi was ready to taste his cock.

Iruka's breath hitched when Kakashi started licking and sucking along his shaft, lubricating him with his spit; and his hand found its way to Kakashi's head, resting in his hair as he worked away. Kakashi was doing all sorts of things with his tongue; and Iruka closed his eyes, letting out a low moan as sparks of ecstasy massaged its way up his body. Then suddenly, he felt his cock slide right down Kakashi's throat; and his fingers tightened in Kakashi's hair as he gasped in surprised pleasure. Kakashi kept going, with deep, slow movements, wanting to taste every part of Iruka, to have all of him in his mouth; and when he was finally satisfied, he drew away, breathless but unrestrained. He sat back up again and looked at Iruka, flushed with a slightly dazed smile across his face; and when Iruka met his lustful gaze, he couldn't resist him any longer, and brought himself forward to kiss his lips again.

"Let's get your clothes off." he murmured needily, sliding his hands down Kakashi's back. "They're in the way of what I want to do to you."

When Kakashi was stripped, Iruka hugged him from behind, pressing his wet erection into him as he kissed and sucked at his neck; and Kakashi exhaled heavily when one of Iruka's hands found his cock and slowly began massaging it. His body was on fire, and he wanted Iruka to fuck him right then - he was desperate to feel him inside of him.

"'Ruka…" he whimpered.

"I know." Iruka murmured in his ear. "Get on the lounge."

Kakashi obeyed, and crawled along the cushions on all fours, until he was close enough to reach the arm rests; and he settled with his legs spread apart and ass raised. He felt a little vulnerable not being the one in control, but it also excited him; and he was ready for Iruka to take him, however he pleased.

Iruka steadied himself behind Kakashi and grabbed at his ass, massaging his cheeks further apart; and he ran his thumbs down the centre, swirling them around his skin. Kakashi shivered in anticipation at Iruka's teasing touch, barely keeping still as Iruka felt around and massaged everywhere but the one place he wanted it. Then suddenly, he stopped altogether, leaving Kakashi even more worked up; but a moment later, he was back, sliding very wet fingers along the area.

Kakashi gripped the edge of the lounge as two fingers slipped inside of him; and he groaned in pleasure as Iruka pushed them all the way in and worked on a rhythm, building up the speed as Kakashi got used to the sensation. Then a third finger slipped in, stretching Kakashi wider, and everything he was feeling became even more intense. Iruka knew exactly what he was doing; and it was driving him wild. 

"'Ruka…" he moaned. "Your cock."

"What about it?" Iruka murmured teasingly, slowing the rhythm of his fingering to a near stop.

"I want it." he panted. "Please… Please fuck me."

Iruka couldn't resist Kakashi's begging, and pulled his fingers out; gripping his ass instead, as he positioned himself even closer. He lubricated his cock and Kakashi's ass again with saliva; and then he slowly pushed his tip in. Kakashi was rendered breathless as he stretched even further for Iruka; and he gripped the lounge tightly as an intense thrill shivered up his spine. He felt Iruka rock back and forth gently as he eased his way in; and when the rhythm quickened, he barely registered the hands that had settled over his hips, as he got lost in the feel of Iruka filling him.

Iruka became more desperate, pushing deeper as Kakashi accepted every inch of him; and Kakashi had nearly lost control, gasping and moaning with every thrust. His ass burned in a way that made him crave more; and he slid himself back against Iruka's forward movements, caught in the heat of the moment.

"Mmf - ah!" he gasped loudly, digging his nails into the lounge as an explosion of ecstasy suddenly burst through his body.

Iruka hit the same spot, and Kakashi cried out again, losing his breath as the wave of euphoric tension built up inside of him. He was feeling it everywhere - deep inside of him, along his cock, spreading throughout his entire body; and it only intensified with each thrust. Then suddenly, he was at the point of no return, and the tension sent him into a desperate frenzy.

"Iruka, I'm going to -!"

Kakashi was cut off by the heavy orgasm that rippled through him, and couldn't speak as the euphoria took over; and Iruka felt his light spasm as he rode it out. A couple more thrusts, and Iruka reached his climax, too; moaning breathlessly as he felt the warmth of his release filling Kakashi. Kakashi gaped as he felt it squirt through him; and he felt a similar warmth dribbling down his cock, as his own cum oozed out. He had never finished so hard before, and he felt good in so many ways.

When Iruka pulled out, Kakashi all but collapsed on the lounge, weak and completely spent; and as he sat there catching his breath, Iruka joined him, smiling to himself in the afterglow. Everything that just happened felt special to him, almost like it had been their first time, but he had also been very in sync with Kakashi, like even though he'd lost his memories, his body still remembered what he liked when they got intimate; and Iruka couldn't be happier.

After a moment of sitting together in comfortable silence, Kakashi suddenly rose from the lounge; and Iruka turned to him, distracted from his thoughts.

"It's getting late, so I'm going to clean up then go to bed. Are you coming?"

"Soon." Iruka smiled. "You go on ahead."

"Okay." Kakashi leaned down and planted a kiss on Iruka's lips.

"Love you." he blushed, when he pulled away.

"Love you, too, 'kashi."

By the time Iruka was ready for bed, Kakashi had almost dozed off; and he watched sleepily as he changed into his pyjamas - long pants and a short sleeved shirt, this time. There was something off about him - he seemed particularly slow with his movements, like he was running on autopilot, and his face held the same troubled expression as earlier; and Kakashi was a little worried. Had a bad memory returned?

"You took your time. Are you okay?" Kakashi asked as Iruka slipped into bed. Iruka paused and looked at him as he considered his answer.

"Yeah…" he smiled absently. "Just had some more memories come through."

"Oh? That's good."

"Mm." he responded quietly. "Let's get some sleep."

"'kay, then, 'Ru. We'll talk later."

Kakashi kissed Iruka goodnight as he settled under the covers; and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close as they spooned. He fell asleep almost instantly after attaching himself to him; and Iruka was left with his thoughts, which were draining the life out of him bit by bit as he struggled to figure out fact from fiction. Why were his memories of his relationship with Kakashi different to reality?

Daggers stabbed at his chest, and nausea swirled in his gut, tempting a panic attack, as he thought about all the possible reasons why; and suddenly, tears brimmed in his eyes and slid down his face when he came to his final conclusions. Either the poison had damaged those memories; or Kakashi had been lying to him about their relationship.

And Iruka didn't know which hurt more.


	13. Chapter 13

Kakashi woke up to an empty bed. It was nothing unusual, nothing he hadn't experienced before; but for some reason, it felt strange, and a lot lonelier now than it ever had been before - it was the first time since dating Iruka that he hadn't been there; and Kakashi was missing his warmth. He was also surprised to find that it was still early; and Iruka's side of the bed was ice cold, like he had been up for a while. And with no reason to stay in bed, he decided to get up and see where he was.

As he pottered through the apartment, Kakashi noticed how silent it was, and how all the curtains were still closed, exactly as it was every morning before they woke; and that confused him - opening the curtains and bringing light into the house was one of the first things Iruka did as part of his morning routine; so the fact that he was out of bed and it was still dark was strange.

When Kakashi entered the lounge room, a large mass instantly caught his eye; and he found Iruka curled up on the lounge with a half empty cup of tea on the table in front of him. 

"Morning, 'Ru." he greeted as he padded over.

Only silence answered him, so he took a better look at Iruka; noticing how he was hugging himself with his arms wrapped around his knees, and how his face held a blank but broody expression. He also caught the dark rims around Iruka's eye sockets, and the red that rooted itself into the whites of his eyes, showing off his exhaustion; and Kakashi's heart ached, seeing him so run down.

"Have you been up all night?" he asked softly, taking a seat beside him. Iruka looked at him blankly, taking a moment to process his question.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep." he eventually said.

"Oh… What's on your mind?" Kakashi asked, putting his hand over Iruka's, caressing his skin with his thumb.

"Just… Everything." Iruka sighed. "A lot of my memories have returned, and they're… not what I expected them to be. I'm just trying to process it."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No... I think I just want to be left alone."

"Oh, okay…" Kakashi said dejectedly. "I won't bother you, then; but I'll be around when you're ready."

As the day went by, Kakashi became increasingly worried. There was a strange tension in the air that seemed to be building with every moment that passed, almost like the aftermath of a huge argument; and Iruka, who had barely moved from his spot on the lounge, seemed even more distant and reserved than ever, like he had slipped into a severe depression overnight. He had barely responded to him and hadn't returned any of his affections; and Kakashi didn't know how to approach him. He was doing his best to honour Iruka's wishes, having spent his time doing a bit of housework, and maintaining his weapons at the kitchen table to give him some space; but Kakashi didn't want to leave him to his thoughts any longer than he had - he knew all too well the damage that heavy thinking could do, and he didn't want Iruka to be consumed by his mind. 

He decided to see what Iruka was doing and give him some company; and saw that he had found a photo album and was going through it. The pages were thick, filled with memories; and Iruka seemed immersed in the photos. Kakashi was a little concerned about his frown, but it looked more like he was concentrating or trying to remember something rather than worrying; so, satisfied that Iruka seemed to be in a better mood, Kakashi settled at the opposite end of the lounge, leaning against the arm rest as he pulled out Icha-Icha to read.

Iruka had been hopeful when he first found his photo album - it held answers to the questions he didn't know how to ask, and was helping him remember things; but he'd been getting that same nagging feeling he'd had when he first entered his apartment, that something was missing; and the closer he got to the end of the album, the sicker he felt. His world was crashing down around him with every page he turned as all the pieces of the puzzle came together; and he couldn't breathe, like an invisible hand had wrapped itself around his throat and was squeezing tightly. He was nearly at the end; and his heart was breaking, shattering with every picture he saw. He couldn't believe it - it _had_ to be some kind of sick joke… But he knew what he was seeing was real. The evidence was there, plain as day; and he had to face the truth. There were no photos of him and Kakashi together, no proof of their relationship displayed anywhere; and that meant only one thing…

"Maa, Iruka, I was just about to get up and prepare something to eat. Would you like -"

Kakashi stopped mid-sentence and his heart leapt in his throat when he saw the glassiness in Iruka's eyes, like he was about to burst into tears; and he quickly shut and pocketed his book, shifting closer to pull him into a warm embrace. Iruka rejected his touch, and squirmed out of his arms, looking away as tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"'Ru? What's going on?"

When Iruka looked at him, Kakashi's heart broke. He had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before; and he wanted to take it all away. He reached out for him again, wanting to comfort him in some way; but Iruka shook his head no as another burst of tears ran down his face. Kakashi watched him, unsure what to do; and finally, Iruka took a deep breath and spoke.

"W-Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" Kakashi asked tentatively, feeling his stomach sink lower with every second that passed. Deep down, he knew exactly what Iruka was asking about. 

"Don't act like you don't know." Iruka glowered as another tear rolled down his cheek. "We were never together, were we?"

"N-No. We weren't…" he admitted nervously, as his blood run cold with dread.

Iruka rose from the lounge, making Kakashi shrink in place - he was terrified. He had made a horrible mistake, had hurt Iruka so much because of his decisions; and he was scared of losing him.

"Then… Then all of this… Everything that's happened; it was all fake? You were just leading me on?"

"No, I…" Kakashi sighed. "Tsunade-sama filled me in on what happened and said you thought we were dating; and I didn't know how to approach the situation. I initially decided to pretend to be your partner because I was thinking about how you would have felt if I didn't; and I didn't want to let you down. But then, the moment you saw me, when you smiled… It was the happiest I had ever seen you, there was so much love behind those eyes; and I didn't know it then, but that expression is what got me - what I was pretending to feel became real in an instant. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, 'Ru; and hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do…"

"Well, I am hurt…" Iruka whispered through his trembling lips. "I trusted you, and you took advantage of me. How could you lie about something like that?"

"I'm sorry, Iruka." he apologised remorsefully.

"No." Iruka said, shaking his head. "I-I can't accept your apology right now. You had a chance to tell me the truth - plenty of chances; but you never did. Instead, you let me believe we were a couple. Do you know how much that hurts, how _humiliating_ that is? You don't do that to people… It's cruel."

Every word Iruka said made Kakashi feel so small; and he lowered his head in shame. He hated seeing Iruka so distraught; and hated himself even more for being the one who made him that way. Why did he always end up hurting the people he loved?

"W-What can I do to make it right?" Kakashi asked nervously, feeling his heart sink even further.

"I don't know, just…" Iruka started pacing, gripping his hair as he thought. The longer he had to think, the more angry he became.

"I can't believe I helped myself to your clothes, and went around kissing and touching you however I feel, a-and just… just… I thought we were together, so it never really mattered, b-but… God, I'm so fucking embarrassed. How could you let me -?" Iruka's voice wavered, and he shook his head. "I-I need to get out of here. I need time to think."

Iruka turned and walked off - he had nothing else to say to Kakashi, _couldn't_ say anything else.

"Iruka!" Kakashi tried, following him and reaching out for his arm. He was afraid of letting him go; afraid that if he did, he'd never get a chance to work it out, that he'd lose him for good.

"No, don't touch me." He trembled, shaking Kakashi's hand off as he stormed away.

"Iruka, wait! Please!" Kakashi called out desperately. "I want to fix this. I really do… love you."

Iruka paused when he stepped through the front door; and swallowed hard, fighting back tears.

"Goodbye, Kakashi. I don't want to see you here when I come home." He said, slamming the door behind him. 

A loud silence remained; and Kakashi went weak and fell to his knees, staring at the door helplessly as he ached with remorse and his heart shattered into pieces.

"W-What have I done…?"


	14. Chapter 14

It took a while for Kakashi to be able to pick himself up off the floor and force himself to leave Iruka's apartment. He felt heavy all over, in his mind, his heart, and body; and he was falling apart. He was so ashamed of what he'd done, of how he'd hurt Iruka; and he so desperately wanted to fix things. But Iruka had made it clear he didn't want that, that he didn't want him around anymore; and that killed him. Had he lost the man he loved, for good?

The idea made Kakashi want to cry. Iruka was everything to him, and he couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again; never hearing his laugh, or seeing his smile, or feeling him in his arms. It would be devastating. He'd finally found what he'd been missing all these years, _who_ had been missing; and it broke his heart to think there was a chance that the most special part of him, and the most important thing in his life would be taken away, and that he'd be left empty and alone again. Kakashi felt complete with Iruka; and he didn't want to let go of the life they had started building together, or the future he saw with him. He would do anything for a second chance. 

An icy breeze biting at Kakashi's skin pulled him out of his head; and he looked up from his feet slightly dazed, but still able to quickly figure out where he was. He had nearly reached the memorial stone; the place he always seemed to end up when he was troubled by something, or just didn't want to go home. This time, it was both. As he approached the monument, he took a shaky breath, suddenly overwhelmed by everything as he thought about what he wanted to say; and he swallowed hard as he fought down a lump in his throat.

"Sensei," he whispered, letting a tear trickle down his cheek, "I've done something horrible…"

\---------

Iruka wiped at his tears as he stormed off. He was angry and upset, and wanted to get as far away from Kakashi as possible. How could Kakashi say he loved him after all that - how could he even _do_ that in the first place?! Iruka was dying inside. He had been betrayed and had his trust broken by someone he thought highly of, by Kakashi, a man he had always considered honest and dependable; and his heart was shattering as the memories that he once held dear, now stripped of their filters, were pounding the painful truth into his chest, over and over again. 

He should have trusted his instincts; he should have _known._ Not living together? No proof of their relationship? Iruka shook his head. God, how could he not have connected the dots? He felt stupid being played so easily. But what hurt most was that Kakashi _knew_ … He knew exactly what he was doing, how it would end up; and yet he chose to do it anyway.

It wasn't the first time Iruka had been taken advantage of and lied to; but this time hurt the most, worse than the giant shuriken that had marked the end of a friendship years ago. He thought that had been hard, losing a close friend; but this… It felt like he'd been gutted and his life had been torn straight from him. He'd always wanted a future with Kakashi, but the reality was that this was only a fairy tale built on a web of lies. How could he trust Kakashi's last words, that he wanted the same thing?

Iruka burst into tears again. He hated this. He didn't want to be on bad terms with Kakashi - there was a part of him that understood where he was coming from, that even ached for him after seeing him so emotional for the first time; and he felt that Kakashi had been genuinely sorry about what he'd done, and meant it when he said that he wanted to fix things; but Iruka just couldn't forgive him right then - the thought of simply seeing him made him feel sick, let alone speaking to him. What would he even say, anyway?

Iruka took a deep breath as he thought; and looked up at the sky, taking in the early evening colours. The sun had almost completely set, painting the world in the deep blues and purples of dusk; and the first stars were sprinkled across it, gently twinkling away. There was something about gazing up at them that comforted Iruka; and he dried his tears, trying to convince himself that things were going to be okay.

A muffled scream nearby distracted him from his thoughts; and he froze, instantly tensing as he studied his surroundings to figure out what was happening. He was on the outskirts of the village, near the Eastern forest; and the darkening sky was starting to cast heavy shadows everywhere, making it harder to spot suspicious activity. A light breeze swirling around Iruka also interfered with his senses; and he couldn't tell which direction the scream came from, but his instincts were telling him to check the forest first.

His eyesight seemed to improve as he leered at the tree line, studying every shadow in depth, waiting for one of them to move; and everything around him became silenced as he blocked out unnecessary noises and sought out the sound of a scuffle or shinobi fleeing through the trees. Iruka waited patiently, watching and listening; and suddenly he detected movement - a dark shadow flashing through the forest.

He raced over, determined to catch up; but the figure didn’t wait for him, and he was left alone amongst the trees where they had once been. He had a bad feeling about this, and was overwhelmed with a sense of unease and urgency crawling through his skin; and when he took a quick look around him, he spotted something bright blue hanging from the tree tops, caught on a branch. Iruka's blood ran cold and goosebumps prickled along his skin - even from this distance, he knew exactly what it was.

His heart raced in a panic as he jumped up to the branch; and when he got a closer look at the blue material, his stomach churned, and he paled. With trembling fingers, he untangled the fabric from where it had been caught; and for a moment, all he could do was stare in shock as a wave of dread washed over him. He was holding Konohamaru's scarf…

And it was covered in blood.


	15. Chapter 15

Iruka ran as fast as he could. He didn't care that the figure - probably a shinobi, had a head start on him, that he could be facing a stronger opponent, or that it could be one against many; when a child's life was at stake, he would do anything he could to save them. He knew he was supposed to call for back up, and at least let someone know that something has happened; but when he saw the blood, he had been scared; afraid that if he didn't follow the shinobi right away, it would be too late. 

Iruka's grip on Konohamaru's scarf tightened as he picked up the pace and pushed his limits - he was almost fast enough to even match Gai's speed with a Gate or two open; and his surroundings blurred past him. Finally, he heard a branch snap ahead, and relief flooded through him. He was catching up.

In the distance, he saw the shinobi bounding ahead with Konohamaru over their shoulder; and he locked onto them, somehow propelling himself forward even faster. His hand instinctively reached for his pouch as he got closer - he had to do something to stop them from getting away; but he only felt uniform material where his pocket should be, and his stomach dropped. He didn't have any equipment on him.

Iruka cursed himself, and Kakashi, and everything that had happened before he stormed out of the house. He should have known better, to at least have _something_ on him in case of emergencies, like this one; but he hadn't been thinking when he left - all he'd wanted to do was run away from everything. He wasn't completely defenceless, though - he still had jutsu; but he felt very naked without his tools. He hoped he'd be able to handle whatever he was facing.

Suddenly the shinobi disappeared behind a thick tree and stopped running away; and Iruka came to a sudden stop on a branch nearby, studying his surroundings carefully. They were definitely here - he could sense their chakra signature; but in the depths of the forest, in this darkness, neither of them were anywhere to be seen.

Iruka heard a soft thud, like someone had dropped from the treetops; and he leapt cautiously to another branch, closer to the thick tree, searching for Konohamaru and the enemy. And traps. The only reason a fleeing shinobi would suddenly stop was if they had something planned and thought the outcome would be in their favour. This sudden disappearance only made Iruka more nervous - it was like they were playing a game of cat and mouse. And right then, he was the mouse.

A twig snapped behind Iruka, on the ground, and he whirled around quickly, his body tensing reflexively to engage in battle; but there was no one there. He studied the shadows carefully, searching for movement, unnatural shapes, a pair of eyes - anything, really, that would tell him where the enemy was; but still, nothing revealed itself. Iruka knew he was being watched, but he couldn't pinpoint where from; and his mind was racing as he thought about what he should do, where he should go from here. He had really messed up this time - no weapons, no back up, and he was completely isolated. Anything could happen and no one would know. But that didn't mean he was about to give up - he would fight to the very end.

Iruka stood his ground, waiting for the enemy to appear; but the longer he waited, the more anxious he was beginning to feel. He could still sense their chakra signature, but it was like no one was there. Was there a reason they hadn't tried to attack him yet? Unless… Iruka's stomach churned as a horrible thought occurred to him. What if he had stumbled into a genjutsu, and the enemy was already long gone, and he'd never be able to catch up and get Konohamaru back? Iruka mashed his hands together in a panic, and quickly disrupted his chakra flow.

"Kai!"

The first thing he noticed when he released himself from genjutsu was that the chakra signature he'd been sensing was gone; and he grit his teeth in frustration. How long had he been trapped, and how far away was the enemy now? Iruka leered at the trees and shadows around him as he figured out what to do next - should he try to track down the enemy, or return to the village and report what happened?; and he jumped down from the branch he was on, wanting to look around before he made his decision. And as soon as his feet touched the soil, he froze. He could have sworn he'd heard a child.

He listened intently to the silence, trying to detect their voice again; and heard quiet, muffled sobbing nearby. He followed the noise, which seemed to be coming from behind the base of a large tree; and when he reached the crying figure, Iruka raced towards him in a panic.

"Konohamaru!" he called out in alarm.

Iruka quickly assessed his state - tied and gagged, bruised and beaten; and although he hated seeing him like that, he couldn't help but feel relieved. Konohamaru wasn't in the best condition, but he was still alive, and his injuries weren't life-threatening; and that was the best he could hope for in the situation.

Iruka untied the gag - a messy job done with his protector; and Konohamaru leaned to the side, coughing and spluttering furiously as he cleared his mouth of blood, excess saliva, and other obstructions. As he gasped for fresh air and tried to clear away the taste of grime, Iruka worked at his hands, which had been tied tightly behind him in coarse fisherman's rope; and soon, Konohamaru was free. Then suddenly, before Iruka had a chance to do anything else, Konohamaru lunged at him and knocked him back, pinning him to the ground; and Iruka felt a kunai at his throat, digging into his skin.

"K-Konohamaru? It's me; Iruka-sensei." he said, his voice much calmer than he felt.

Konohamaru stared at him blankly, not saying a word; and Iruka became very unsettled - he couldn't read what he was thinking. It was almost like he'd been possessed by a jutsu of some kind, like he had no mind of his own. Had he been put under a genjutsu, too?

"Please put down the kunai. I'm not an enemy." he tried. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But _I_ want to hurt _you_." he said, slowly dragging the blade across Iruka's neck.

Suddenly a wicked grin spread across his face - an expression more sinister than Iruka had ever seen in his life; and Iruka's blood became as cold as the metal cutting into him. Konohamaru had a look that said he would hurt and kill without hesitation, that he would enjoy every moment of it - an expression Iruka never would have expected to see on any of his students; and somehow that concerned him more than the blade at his throat. Where had he gone wrong for Konohamaru to end up like this? Why had he gone rogue?

And then it clicked - there was another possibility; one that made more sense to Iruka.

"Y-You're not Konohamaru, are you?"

The imposter confirmed his guess with laughter - a malevolent sound that sent shivers down his spine.

"T-Then who?"

Konohamaru pulled the kunai away, and smirked, revelling in the foreboding atmosphere he had created.

_Poof!_

Iruka suddenly felt a heavier weight on top of him, making it even harder to move - he didn't even think he could squirm now; and the face in front of him transformed into something more twisted and deranged, something that better suited the malevolence. And as Iruka locked eyes with this enemy and took in their features, he swallowed nervously, trying to fight back his fear. 

"Remember _me_?"

Of course he did.

It was the man from his dream.


	16. Chapter 16

Iruka remembered him, the man pinning him down. He wasn't any ordinary shinobi; and in fact, Iruka was very lucky to be alive - this man was a top priority S rank missing nin in Konoha's bingo book. Iruka didn't have a copy of the book - it was only distributed to jounin and ANBU; but there was one in the staff room at the academy for the chuunin teachers, in case a target ever crossed the grounds or were in the area; and he had memorised the details of everyone in it so he could protect his students. There was no mistaking it - this was Gou; wanted as one of Orochimaru's followers, and responsible for a stream of Leaf kidnappings, tortures, and deaths.

"Your face tells me you know exactly who I am, _sensei_." Gou taunted. "Are you scared?"

Gou spun the kunai in his hand then dragged it down Iruka's chest, pressing hard enough for him to feel the sting of a cut, but not enough to really damage his uniform. It was a movement meant for intimidation; and Iruka gritted his teeth and looked away. He _was_ afraid, but he would never admit that - he wasn't going to give the enemy the satisfaction of knowing.

"What are you doing at Konoha?" he asked steadily. "Why did you transform into Konohamaru? What did you do with him?"

"What do you think I did with the kid? You saw the blood, didn't you?" he smirked.

Suddenly, Iruka wasn't scared anymore - he was angry; and all he wanted to do was kill Gou. No one gets to hurt his students. Iruka punched him in the jaw with his left hand, which had been left free when he'd been knocked back; and tried to push him away, kicking and squirming about to escape from beneath him. He wasn't going to allow himself to be trapped and helpless any longer, and he wasn't going to be killed. He was going to escape, find and help Konohamaru, and call someone on patrol to pursue Gou or get help.

Iruka fought with all his might, concentrating his chakra to his limbs to make his movements more powerful; but Gou blocked all of his attacks and easily held his ground, simply throwing his kunai aside to restrain both of Iruka's arms with his own and stop him from moving about. When Iruka realised he couldn't get away and hadn't even come close to breaking free, he stopped struggling, and decided to try and come up with a different plan. But taking in Gou's much more muscular and bigger body, and how it was riddled with all sorts of scars and marks that gave Iruka the impression he had a high pain tolerance, he didn't think it would be easy to get away from him. He was exactly what Iruka expected for an S ranked target.

"Where are you trying to go? We have unfinished business." Gou said calmly with a threatening undertone. "Or did you _forget_?"

"Forget?" Did this have something to do with his amnesia?

Iruka frowned as he studied the deeply scarred face looming over his. He definitely recognised him - no one could forget the X slashed into his face, just missing his blood red eyes, or his sinister, crooked grin, or the spiked brown hair that looked like it could prick you if you touched the tip, or the dark aura that sent chills down his spine; but he still didn't quite remember their encounter.

"You're going to tell me where the scroll is. I know you left it around here."

"The scroll… Here?"

Iruka turned his head to the side, taking a better look at his surroundings, studying the trees and shrubs in detail; and he was overwhelmed with the familiar sense of déjà vu. This part of the Eastern forest… Iruka's eyes widened in shock as realisation hit him, and he subconsciously tried to sit up to take a better look. There was no mistaking it; this was the exact place he'd been in his dream, right after the cabin disappeared. And if that was the case… Being here wasn't an accident. Iruka swallowed nervously and looked back at Gou.

"I can't help you. I've lost my memories and don't know where it is." Not that he would have told him if he knew - he would never betray the Hokage or village.

"Liar!" Gou growled menacingly, slamming a fist into his jaw. It throbbed and ached, but Iruka gritted his teeth and tried not to react - he was sure things would only get worse if he did. A few seconds later, Gou began to chuckle manically.

"I know everything. I followed you back after I poisoned you. I wanted to watch you die in the forest; but you actually made it back to the village. I've been watching you since, waiting for the other poison to destroy you." Gou revealed, flashing a psychotic look. "But that's not going to happen, is it? Because you're not poisoned anymore, and your memories have returned."

"H-How did you get into the village?" Iruka asked as goosebumps prickled along his skin. He felt unsettled, knowing he had been stalked for so long without anyone being aware.

"Orochimaru-sama showed me how. And no one even noticed me." he declared in amusement. "Konoha is a joke!"

Gou picked up the kunai he had thrown aside, and started fiddling with it in his hand, twirling it around as he continued more seriously.

"Once I heard the Hokage talking about how important that scroll was, I knew I had to get it for Orochimaru-sama; but when I went back to where I found you, I couldn't see it anywhere. You hid it so well, so I decided that you were going to get it for me..." A dark expression suddenly flashed across his eyes. "But that damn Copy Ninja was always in the way!"

Gou clenched the kunai angrily and stabbed it aggressively into the ground, right next to Iruka's head, making him flinch. A couple of seconds later, the side of his face began to sting and burn; and he knew he'd been cut. Gou's eyes seemed to light up when he studied Iruka's face; and he ran a finger along the side of his head, right where cut was, where blood had begun to trickle. Gou wiped it up, and studied the red on his light skin, then stuck the tip of his finger in his mouth, sucking the blood away.

"I could tell you were a queer one," he said in an eerily soft voice, smiling strangely as he ran his fingers along Iruka's cheek tenderly, "but I wasn't expecting the Copy Ninja to be. It was very… inconvenient. I just couldn't get you alone."

Iruka was freaking out. The atmosphere had completely changed, like Gou had forgotten all about the scroll; and the way he was touching and looking at him predatorily made Iruka's blood run cold. His heart seemed to pound even faster as adrenaline flooded his system; and he felt his body begin to shake. Iruka knew what was coming - he could sense the danger, and every part of him was urging him to flee; but he was like a bug trapped in a spider's web. There was absolutely no escape.

"But now that he's gone and we're all alone," A hungry expression flashed across Gou's face as he leant in to whisper in Iruka's ear.

"No one is going to hear you scream."


	17. Chapter 17

Iruka knew he had to do something, or he was going to die; but he couldn't move. He'd been trying to think of ways to escape - focus all his chakra on his limbs and then use the perfect moment and all his strength to shove Gou away, find an opportunity to take the kunai so he had a weapon, get his hands free and cast a jutsu; but Gou was much more powerful than him, and he hadn't been able to do a thing. He really needed someone to help him, but no one would venture this far out of the village if there was no reason to. The only chance he had was if someone just happened to be passing by, returning from a mission. He'd be able to sense them with his echolocation, but it wasn't like he'd be able to contact them and call for help.

Iruka lost track of his thoughts when a burst of déjà vu and restlessness erupted in his brain. He was on the verge of remembering something else, a memory that had been triggered by his last thought; and he hoped it would be something helpful. It had been easier to regain his memories ever since the poison had been extracted from him - unlike the other times where he felt like his mind was fogged, his head was clear; and the memories that were lost were simply in the shadows waiting for him to stumble across them.

 _Iruka, honey, I'm going to teach you something important._ A blade dug deep into Iruka's arm; and Gou slowly twisted it around, grinning psychotically when Iruka gritted his teeth and tried to hold back a cry. _It's a very special technique that only you can do._ What had his mum been trying to teach him? Some kind of jutsu? No… It had to be something a pre-genin could do; that _he_ , as a pre-genin could do. _If you're ever in trouble and there's no one around, this could save your life._

"I see you already have a scar on your face…" Gou said, pulling his bloodied kunai out of Iruka's arm and dragging it along his cheek. "But one is a lonely number. Why don't I give you another one?"

Iruka closed his eyes, flinching as he waited expectantly for the pain; and suddenly he remembered what his mum had taught him - he could see it very clearly in his head. If he could endure what Gou was doing to him for just a little longer, he'd survive. But the technique… He'd only done it a few times when he was a kid, and he hadn't been very good at it - could he really do it now? The throbbing ache and burn in his arm reminded him there was no time to worry about whether he could or not, he just had to do it no matter what; so he cleared his head and listened to the sounds around him - he had to have a calm mind for echolocation to work.

Underneath Gou's voice, he could hear trees gently swaying in the wind, and bushes nearby rustling as bugs and critters moved about; but that wasn't enough - he needed to go deeper and listen even further out. Everywhere else was the same - all he could hear was the normal sounds of the evening in the forest; but despite not finding what he was looking for, he had been able to create a map of the terrain in his head and had figured out exactly where he was. He had to extend his reach further, even if it meant seriously pushing his limits - if his range could reach the village, to just one person, then he could call for help. Kind of. He hoped.

Iruka took a ragged breath and swallowed hard - the pain from Gou's torture was becoming unbearably intense, but he had to block it out if he was going to survive. He was down to his last resort; and there was nothing he could do but endure the pain a little longer, and use the technique his mother taught him. Then he could leave the rest to his comrades, who would definitely come for him.

With his comrades on his mind, Iruka extended the range of his echolocation, trying to get as close to the village as possible no matter how much he could feel it draining him. On the map he'd created in his mind, he had still only covered the forest, but he was close, along the outskirts - he could see the memorial stone. Just a little further and - wait. Was someone there? Iruka focused his senses around the memorial stone; and what had been a muddled shape became a clear image of a man - a shinobi talking to a lost loved one.

"So that's what happened, sensei. I love him, and I would do anything to be with him again; but I don't think that's going to happen. I don't deserve a second chance, anyway, after hurting him like that…"

Iruka's heart throbbed painfully. Why did it have to be _him_? Why was Kakashi the only one around? Iruka cleared his thoughts - none of that mattered right then. What he had to focus on was the fact that there was someone there who he could contact, who could save him, and quite possibly handle Gou on his own. And that meant it was time to try the next part of his technique.

When Iruka first learnt that he could do echolocation, his mum had taught him all about it, and explained that there were other animals that could also use the echo from their own sound waves to find things and communicate. He learnt that people wouldn't be able to hear his sound waves, except for others who also had echolocation; but his mum had found a way to change that, to make people notice it. Even if Iruka couldn't send a message, he could at least alert someone of his location if he could find them. But he had to have a lot of control of his mind and senses.

Iruka kept Kakashi's location pinpointed in his mind, ignoring everything else; and tried to focus on his sound waves, and started trying to infuse them with chakra. In the memory, his mum had told him that if he could do that, anyone would be able to find him because even though people couldn't sense echolocation, they could sense chakra; and they could follow the trail right to him, like he was a beacon of light. Iruka had barely been able to send chakra waves around the house as a kid, and hadn't practiced since then; and he was struggling, especially trying to send his chakra so far; but he had to keep going - he had no other choice if he wanted to get out of this alive.

He watched Kakashi, who had gone silent at the memorial stone and was wiping at his eyes - had he been crying?; and continued anxiously trying to call him, wondering if his chakra would reach him. Even just a tiny bit would be okay - he just needed Kakashi to sense a little bit of it and follow the trail he'd made. But would he know that it's a distress signal? Iruka dismissed that concern. Even if he didn't know, if Kakashi had meant anything he'd said, Iruka knew that he would come to him if he asked, no matter what.

Suddenly, Iruka lost focus of everything, and was brought back to reality. His body was throbbing and aching all over where he'd been stabbed, cut into, and maimed; and he could feel all the places where blood and sweat had pooled and oozed. He felt weak and dizzy, not just from chakra exhaustion, but also from the blood loss and pain that was making his body tremble in shock; and he knew he had just about reached his limit. He hoped that what he'd done was enough, and that Kakashi would get here soon.

"Hey, sensei, if you tell me where that scroll is, I might let you live."

The words went in one ear and out the other - Iruka had heard what he'd said, but he wasn't comprehending it. It was just noise to him, now; a dull mumble compared to his body's screams. The world around him had disappeared - it hadn't gone black, just invisible; and only he remained. He could only focus on himself after being pulled away from Kakashi; but even then, parts of himself were becoming invisible, too. Was this what happened when someone was getting closer to death?

"Not gonna talk, eh?" Gou smirked. "Well, you asked for it…"

Gou released Iruka, and stood up as he slowly flicked through a series of signs for a jutsu, chuckling to himself. The weightless sensation brought Iruka back to reality; and he studied Gou nervously as he quickly calculated the scenario and also tried to get up, using a nearby tree for support. Why was he suddenly free? He could defend himself now; or run back to the village, get to safety, and call for help. Is that what Gou wanted? Did that mean this was this another trap? Was he going to be poisoned again in battle?

"You can run if you want," Gou taunted knowingly as he finished the last sign for his jutsu, "but you're not going to get very far."

Iruka braced himself, ready to leap away from the attack. He had a plan of escape, but he had to outsmart Gou, or he would be chased; and Gou would definitely be able to catch up to him easily. The longer he waited expectantly for the blow, the more confused he became. Was there no jutsu? Was it just a feint?

Suddenly, Iruka noticed his chest beginning to burn; and he staggered back in shock, staring at Gou in fear as it only got worse with each second that passed. He knew exactly what had happened. Gou's jutsu had taken away the air around him...

And he couldn't breathe.


	18. Chapter 18

Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. He'd bottled up his feelings for so long that he thought he had grown immune to tears - usually when he was upset his chest would ache and then he'd feel numb for a while, and that's it; but this time, he felt like he was being torn apart, and everything was coming out. He hated himself so much for hurting Iruka, and wished he could turn back time and make things different. But that wasn't possible, so he had to live with what he'd done.

Kakashi dried his tears and took a deep breath as he thought about the situation. If Minato was around, he would have scolded him for doing something so stupid, but he also would have told him not to lose hope or give up on Iruka if he was that important to him, because love had a way of working things out. It did in all the romances he'd read, too; but he still didn't know what to do.

"Maybe I'll just… leave him alone for a bit." he mumbled dejectedly.

As Kakashi turned to leave, he sensed Iruka's chakra signature, and his eyes widened in surprise. What was he doing out here? Did he have loved ones at the memorial stone, too? Or had he come to talk? Maybe he hadn't realised where he was going, and just ended up here? Kakashi reached out with his own chakra signature, and suddenly Iruka's disappeared again; and Kakashi's heart sunk. He wasn't there to see him, then…

Iruka's chakra signature reached him again a few seconds later; and he looked up in confusion. Did Iruka change his mind? Kakashi didn't see anyone around, and tentatively took a step in the direction of the Eastern forest where he sensed him coming from; and then his chakra signature cut off again. Kakashi's heart began to race as he searched for Iruka - something didn't seem right.

His chakra signature appeared and disappeared again; and Kakashi realised it was pulsating, like it was travelling in waves. He had no idea what it meant, or what was going on, but he guessed it was some sort of signal; and he started to head towards the forest to see if he could track it and get some answers.

When Kakashi reached the tree line, Iruka's chakra signature seemed stronger; and he couldn't explain why, but it felt like Iruka was reaching out for him, almost desperately. He picked up the pace, following the direction it felt like he was calling from, feeling expectantly for his pulsing chakra; and after a couple more pulses, he had figured out the timing. But when the next one was supposed to come, he didn't sense anything; and the anxiety stirring in his gut only became worse the longer the silence went on. He couldn't help but think that Iruka was in danger.

Kakashi sprinted further into the forest, searching frantically for some kind of clue to Iruka's whereabouts, praying that he was okay. He was sure that signal had been a call for help, especially when he felt the desperation in his chakra, like it was his last hope; and he wanted to get to Iruka and be by his side as soon as possible. If something had happened to him…

Kakashi's mind was filled with so much worry that he almost didn't notice the remnants of chakra that were scattered all around him. It had been just a small sprinkle, but the deeper he ventured into the forest, the more there was; and it felt like Iruka was everywhere. But it was more than that… Somehow, Kakashi felt like he was feeling Iruka's emotions, too; or at least, what he had felt when he had released his chakra; like his own chakra had linked with Iruka's, and he had connected to his heart.

Kakashi mainly sensed fear, exhaustion, and pain in Iruka's chakra; but he also felt his will burning brightly through all of that, where he had told himself not to give up, because there was someone he could rely on… Because despite everything that had happened, he knew he could rely on _him._ Iruka's will encouraged Kakashi to keep going; and as his feelings continued to flow into him, he vowed that he would never let him down again.

He was going to get to Iruka, no matter what.

\--------------------------

Iruka knew he was going to die soon. His chest was burning, his lungs were screaming for air; and as the seconds ticked by, he was becoming dizzier and losing sense of the world around him. He staggered around uncontrollably, like his body was trying to absorb air by moving around; but no matter how much he moved, or didn't, he couldn't breathe. As he grew weaker, he could feel his body shutting down; and there was nothing he could do about it. Only a miracle could save him now. Or _him_ …

"You look _awful_ , sensei. I could let you breathe again if I wanted to - all I'd have to do is stop the jutsu…" Gou smirked sadistically. "But why would I do that, when you didn't do anything for me? It's all your fault, you know. If you didn't want to die, you should have told me where the scroll is."

A plan, that's what he needed. He didn't have much time, nor energy left, but he had to figure out a way to break the jutsu. If he could do that, he might have a chance. But what could he do when he was barely conscious and unaware of his surroundings? It was useless to try anything now, wasn't it? Was it about time to give up?

_Hold on a little longer, Ru. I'm coming for you._

Iruka's eyes widened in surprise, and he clutched at his chest. He'd suddenly sensed Kakashi's chakra signature; and a wave of foreign emotions, particularly urgency and protectiveness, washed through him, overwhelming his body. It was almost like it had come from Kakashi's chakra, which felt strangely like it had attached itself to him; but that was impossible. Unless…

Iruka had read a book once, about shinobi myths and legends; and there was a story that spoke about something called a chakra connection, where two shinobi who had an unbreakable bond could sense each other's feelings when their chakra synchronised. Iruka wholeheartedly believed in the legend. Although it was difficult to master, chakra synchronisation was entirely possible, and those who could do it together were close with each other, so it didn't seem impossible to go a step beyond that and be able to feel another's emotions through chakra; but the idea made him perplexed. How could _he_ have this connection with Kakashi? He'd never trained to do it before, and it was like it had happened automatically...

Darkness began to cloud the edge of Iruka's vision, and his legs suddenly gave way; and he collapsed, landing on his hands and knees on the forest floor. His body was burning and aching all over, he had almost no chakra left; and as the darkness shrouded even more of his vision, he was becoming very drowsy and could barely keep his eyes open. This was it. This was the end for him.

_I'm sorry, Kakashi. I can't stay awake any longer…_

"Iruka! No!"

Iruka used the last of his energy to turn to the voice, to face Kakashi; and he saw a blinding blue light, and Kakashi's silhouette outlined in the centre of the mass. Even with his back turned, he looked beautiful, and otherworldly, like a powerful angel or God; and watching him fight, Iruka didn't feel pain anymore, like his presence took it all away.

But he still couldn't breathe; and in a blink of an eye, Iruka's body suddenly gave up on him, and everything was shutting down. The last thing he saw as his eyes grew heavy and finally closed was Kakashi leaping into the air, ready to strike Gou with his lightning; and in his last moment of consciousness, a small smile crept on his face. If he was about to die, then he was glad Kakashi was the last thing he'd ever see...

Because his final memory would be of someone he truly loved.


	19. Chapter 19

In the darkness, everything was cold. It was like a cave made entirely out of icicles, the air thick and chilled, almost like snow; and wading through it felt a lot like drowning in a lake colder than ice. It was freezing, making Iruka ache in places he didn't even know existed; and his body felt heavy, like desperate hands had latched onto him, clawing at his limbs as they tried to grip tightly to keep him from moving.

He had no strength to free himself, to escape the darkness; and he would have been lost, too, had it not been for the warmth over one of his hands. Unlike everything else holding him down, this felt like human touch, like someone was by his side offering their support; and it made him feel protected and safe, like he was with someone important who cared for him; like he was with Kakashi.

As though responding to Kakashi's name, the darkness was filled with a blinding light, and the creatures that had held him down released his body and fled, almost as if they feared the light; and only the human hand - _Kakashi's_ hand remained. The cold also disappeared, as though he had stepped out into the sun; and Iruka felt himself being tugged along, taken somewhere else; and soon, his consciousness slipped away…

The next time Iruka woke, he was dazed and confused. Was this a dream? Was he really in the hospital? Had he really made it out alive? He glanced down at his hand, which still felt warm; and he saw that Kakashi really was holding it. He had dragged a chair to the bedside, watching over him and waiting for him to wake; and as time ticked by and the hospital drained away his energy, it looked like Kakashi had drifted off to sleep, his head resting on the edge of the bed.

The curtain around his bed opened, and in stepped Tsunade, who almost seemed surprised to see that he was awake. Her eyes drifted to Kakashi, who hadn't stirred, and then to their linked hands; and she smirked as she walked over to the bed.

"He's been there ever since he delivered you to the hospital, and tried to stay up for you. Looks like the brat has finally gotten some rest. I've never seen him so worried before."

"What happened? I thought I was going to… die."

"Shouldn't _I_ be the one asking _you_ what happened? How did you end up alone with an S rank criminal?"

"That's… I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama. I should have known better; but I saw him running off with Konohamaru, and -" Iruka froze, staring wide eyed at Tsunade. "Where's Konohamaru? Gou tricked me, but he implied that he had done something, and there was blood on Konohamaru's scarf, and -"

"Iruka, calm down." Tsunade interrupted. "Konohamaru is fine. I saw him on my way to the hospital."

"Oh, thank goodness!" Iruka smiled in relief. "I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to him."

"So you were lured out…" Tsunade mused, pursing her lips. "What was Gou after?"

"The scroll from my mission. After he failed to kill me, he infiltrated the village and found out about it. When he didn't get any information from me, he snapped and tried to kill me again. He would have succeeded had it not been for Kakashi. He made it just in time."

Iruka tightened his grip on Kakashi's hand and looked at his sleeping figure. He was suspiciously still and relaxed for someone who was trained to always be alert; and Iruka had a feeling he was pretending now, or at least just resting his eyes while he listened in.

"Kakashi reported that as soon as he found you, he lost control and killed Gou in one hit. He was so frazzled he couldn't tell me much else; so maybe you can tell me, instead… How did he come to find you?"

"My chakra guided the way."

"Your chakra? What do you mean? Did he sense it nearby?"

"Something like that." Iruka answered, absentmindedly stroking Kakashi's hand with his thumb.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me, I guess it's not that important; but I do need to know what happened to that scroll. Your memory should be back by now, yes?"

"Oh, yes, it is; and I know exactly where the scroll is and what happened to me on the way home." he reported. "I stashed the scroll in the hidden floorboard of the main Eastern safe house about a day from here. I took refuge there on the way back to the village; and in the middle of reorganising my bag, ready to leave, I sensed enemies nearby. I didn't have time to finish packing, and I was worried I'd get caught with the scroll on my way out, so I hid it there to retrieve when I lost the enemies. They had a tracker, so I tried to get to the village to report them and get back up; but just when I thought I had made good distance and returned home, I ran into Gou. He said he wanted to test something, and then attacked me with a paper bomb infused with poison; and you know the rest…"

"Hmm… He was working for Orochimaru, wasn't he?"

"Yes. He told me, himself."

"Tch. If only the brat had captured him instead of killed him… But this is a great outcome, regardless. You're still alive, you've got your memories back, a big threat is gone, and now we know where the scroll is. All in all, everything worked out."

"I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble since my mission." Iruka apologised, glancing away.

"Don't worry about it. This is nothing compared to what a certain someone puts me through." Tsunade turned to Kakashi. "Oi, brat! You think I can't tell when someone is pretending to sleep? Open your eyes and get up. Iruka is getting discharged soon, and you're taking him home."

"M'kay…" he murmured.

\-------------------------------

Kakashi was nervous escorting Iruka back to his apartment. There was a lot to talk about, but he was lost for words and didn't know where to begin. Should he ask Iruka how he was able to project his chakra so far, and mention how he had been able to feel his emotions through it? Or should he apologise for what he'd done before then, and maybe ask for a second chance, depending on Iruka's response - or was it too soon for that? Kakashi sighed. Tsunade had given him the perfect opportunity to say something, but he was wasting his time worrying.

“Thank you.” Iruka suddenly said; and Kakashi turned to him in surprise. “I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you.”

“Maa, you deserve most of the credit. I only came in at the last minute; and that was because of you. If you hadn’t projected your chakra so far, I never would have known you were in trouble. I didn’t actually know that was possible. How did you do it?”

“It’s a family secret.”

“Oh… What about those feelings? When I sensed your chakra, it felt like I could feel your emotions through it.”

“You haven’t heard of chakra connections before?”

“I have, but I thought it was just a story.” Kakashi frowned.

“It’s not so farfetched, though, is it? If you think about it, it’s just a higher level of chakra synchronisation. Although I never expected our chakra to automatically sync – I always believed that part of the legend was fiction.”

“Hmn... So if that was all because of chakra connection, then that means we have…”

“An unbreakable bond.” Iruka finished.

“Like soulmates.” Kakashi said, gazing into Iruka’s eyes.

“Yes… Like soulmates.” he blushed, averting his gaze.

In no time at all, they had reached Iruka’s apartment block; and Iruka found that each step he made was becoming heavier and heavier, like he didn’t want to go home yet. Kakashi was dragging himself along, too, like he didn’t want to part; and when they reached the door, they stood around awkwardly, each waiting for the other to say something. Then finally, after what felt like hours, Kakashi broke the silence.

“So, I guess this is where I leave you,” he said, fiddling with his hands. “Uh, bye, Iruka. I’ll see you around.”

He turned to walk off; and Iruka reflexively grabbed his wrist. Kakashi turned around in surprise and studied him curiously.

“Please… Wait.” He requested hesitantly, his face turned away with a tormented expression, and a light blush across his cheeks.

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s just…” He suddenly locked eyes, becoming more bashful the longer he stared. “Do you want to come in?”

“A-Are you sure?” Kakashi stammered in surprise.

“Yes. I want to give you a second chance... If you want it.”

Kakashi leapt towards Iruka and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. Iruka tentatively returned the embrace; and Kakashi rested his head on his shoulder.

“Iruka…” he murmured. “You don’t know how much I want to kiss you right now.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not quite there, yet…” Iruka replied. “But we can still be together and work back up to how we were. Is that enough for now?”

“It’s more than enough.” Kakashi squeezed him tighter. “I’m grateful for anything you want to offer.”

“Well, let’s go in…” He said. “Our journey starts now.”


	20. Epilogue

"Whew! That's the last one!" Iruka grinned, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "There's no more unpacking to do!"

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked suspiciously, walking over to him. "You said that earlier, but then found a room full of boxes you'd forgotten about."

"That's because your house has way too many rooms!"

"Don't you mean _our_ house?" Kakashi corrected, planting a kiss on Iruka's forehead.

"R-Right." Iruka blushed. " _Our_ house."

He still couldn't believe it. He'd finally moved out of his apartment, into an actual house; and he was living with Kakashi, his fiancé. Well, that wasn't official yet, but he already knew Kakashi would say yes when he did propose, which would be soon. They were going on a date in a few days to celebrate the move, and he was planning to do it then.

"What's on your mind?" Kakashi asked, wrapping his arms around him.

"This, and that." He smiled warmly, kissing him on the lips. "I'm just really happy you asked me to move in with you."

"And I'm happy you agreed to. I don't want to spend another moment without you by my side."

Iruka kissed him once more, then stepped aside, looking around the living room. Instead of being an almost empty space, it was now inviting and full of life. Decorative scrolls hung on the wall; all of Iruka's bookshelves had been filled with a mix of his and Kakashi's collection of books; and scattered around was a few precious ornaments and knick knacks that Iruka had been given from his students, and from a stash he had found in Kakashi's storage. Seeing all their stuff mixed in together, it really made him feel like he was home.

"What do you think?" Iruka asked. "Better than how you had it, right?"

"Much better. Everything is perfect." Kakashi hummed contently, pulling Iruka in and planting a kiss on his cheek. "But not as perfect as you."

Iruka laced his hand in Kakashi's, and soaked up the moment. He was exactly where he wanted to be, with the person he loved the most; and he couldn't be any happier. He felt like he was living in a fairy tale, and had reached the happy ending. All that was left was marriage, to become husbands; but even without rings and the ceremony, he felt like they already were; because they already had an unbreakable bond, and they had already shared unspoken vows to stay by each other's side. He and Kakashi would _always_ be together...

Until death do them part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a mod of the Kakairu Rocks forum. It's a community for all kakairu lovers aged 13+, and there is all sorts of things to see & do, from perusing member fanworks and other recs, joining in with our weekly headcanon discussions, and participating in fun, exciting events! Please [come and check us out](https://kakairu.rocks/)! We'd love to see you there!


End file.
